CHOOSE AND BELIEVE

Tuesday was quite a bad and challenging day. The same old people were not behaving themselves. They were playing - of all things - rubber bands and shooting paper bullets. I confiscated 5 elastic bands.

Quite a deal of effort was spent confiscating the fifth rubber band. It was almost like a competition of assertion. Of course, things eventually went my way; but immediately after grudgingly acceding to my request, the offender muttered a certain four-lettered vulgarity targeted against me straight in the face.



I practically saw red. One thing for sure, if only I have the physical upperhand, I would have grabbed him back by the scuff of his shirt collar and demanded an apology. If only I'm a man, I would have done that. But too bad, I'm not. It is at times like these when I learn to eat the humble pie and count the cost. The plain fact is, chances are, a woman most probably would not have the upperhand when it comes to physical strength. The guy may be only 14 or 15, but surely when it comes to force and strength, I admit that I would not win.

So, grabbing him by the scuff of his shirt collar is out. But I didn't want to give him detention either. Personally, I think it would do no good to nobody at all. Neither do I want to send him out; lest he gets "collected" by one of the DMs who is on "patrolling" duty. No, not that I fear scoring low on the popularity list. One thing for sure: I'm not here to run for some popularity contest, but to teach. But then again, it's kind of a catch-22. It takes two hands to clap. After all, it is only human nature to warm up only to those whom we like. It is rapport that counts.

I calculated the cost. Being physical is out. Sending him out is not an option too, at least, for the time being.

After giving him a couple of warnings angrily and firmly, I went back to the whiteboard, and wondered momentarily am I doing the right thing; or am I letting him off too easily.

I continued the lesson (in a different mood, obviously). Just when the bell was about to ring, something surprising happened. I was packing up my stuff. I turned around; only to find the boy standing right behind. It was something simple. "Cher, eh... Sorry eh".

I could sense it was sincere. For one, the whole feel of everything is sincere. Secondly, he seemed really awkward, and a slight trembling in his voice could be detected. I was taken aback in surprise, and simply acknowledged and said, "Ok. Get back to your seat now".



This guy got me all confused. On one hand, he was totally and hopelessly insolent. Then, suddenly, he came up to apologize without prompting. Perhaps, all kids are good inside. After all, 人之初，性本善, isn't it?



I related this incident to the colleagues later the same day. There are generally two schools of thought. The first, naturally, is to show my power, come down hard, and slap him with detention straight away.

Yes, detention is perfectly reasonable and understandable. But right there and then, my heart and reason tell me that detention is not the best way out. For this case, personally, something tells me that it is just 治标不治本.
If I had lashed out detention or sent him out on the spot, for sure he would have harboured resentment against me; and this would not work for the benefit of either of us in the long run. And perhaps, because I held back, he felt guilty and hence offered the heartfelt apology.

Perhaps, the hard way is not the best way all the time. One size doesn't always fit all, after all.
Sometimes, we lose to win.



The second school of thought is that the boy is being manipulative, or apologizing for fear of getting into trouble in the event that the DMs get informed of this incident. I won't deny that this thought crossed my mind too. "Why the sudden change in attitude? Is he trying to get on my good side? Is he trying to manipulate me? Is he afraid that I'll bring this matter to the attention of the DMs? Or is he trying to make a laughing sock out of me?" When he popped up from behind and apologized so unexpectedly, these thoughts - undeniably - sprang to mind.

So, when this train of thought was similarly echoed by the colleagues, I find myself wavering in uncertainty again. It took a moment.



To believe, is to make a choice.

I choose to believe, in the awkward acknowledgment of wrong and the slight trembling of voice.