MILESTONES

This is outdated news, but...

I OFFICIALLY graduated 1.5 months ago!

I HATE balloons; AND this big net of balloons was hanging directly above the area where I was seated. ARRRGGGHHH! I nearly had a heart attack!

Temasek Poly Alumnus!
Gold. White. Gold.
Science. Business. Science.

On the fateful day, while getting down to the graduation venue from work (I took a half-day leave from practicum), an unpredicted wave of indescribable feelings - of which the origins are unknown - overwhelmed me. I was thinking, "Is this it?", "Am I really graduating?", "Have 3 years really passed?". I could hardly believe it. It almost feel surreal; something ethereal.



3 years ago, I was 19. Fresh out of polytechnic. Faced with a big responsibility and a big decision, I almost rejected the letter of acceptance into university. Majoring in Chemistry - a subject which I have totally no prior knowledge of. Coupled with an academic sponsorship bond; which means that there is a standard of academic performance to keep up to. It was a painful dilemma; a catch-22. Studying chemistry at varsity level without any chemistry background is already suicidal enough; what's more with an additional academic bond to measure up to. If I were to take up the challenge and accept the admission into university but end up doing badly, not hitting the academic requirements, get struck off the namelist, and the bond, terminated, the damages which I have to cough out would be unimaginable. My family would most definitely have to mortgage the house if it were to happen; and I would be in a sea of huge debt overnight.

I was 19. It was a difficult choice to make. To bite the bullet and plunge in? But would I be biting off more than what I can chew?

I asked around the older people in the cell. The responses were diversely mixed; ranging from "NO WAY! How can you think of rejecting it?! There are so many people out there who would love to receive that letter of acceptance!" to "It's your call. If you feel confident enough to tackle it, go ahead. If you fail, it's ok. At least you tried."

ZW was a bit of both. He expressed his disbelief and exclamations of "Siao ah?!" in joking jest. That done, jokes aside, he advised me to consider it carefully. It was just silly to reject the offer. "You tried hard to get this, didn't you? You appealed to get in; and your appeal is successful. You got in! And this is exactly what you so desired, isn't it? You yourself said you have no wish to just stop at a diploma but to continue studying." I told him about my worries; the fears of not doing well enough academically, getting struck off the namelist, and having the bond terminated, resulting in a massive debt. "Well, gauge it yourself. Do you feel up to it? Anyway, you studied Biomedical Science in polytechnic, didn't you? What, then, is chemistry in comparison?" He laughed. I gave a weak smile, still somewhat unconvinced. "Ok, tell you what. Why not you just accept the offer first? Don't think of rejecting it, ok? Take things as they come; one step at a time. Once term starts, study the best you can. If you encounter any difficulties, let me know, ok? Perhaps I can get my elder sister to coach you. She studied Chemistry in JC, and she is from NJC. Deal?"

"Tell you ah, if you dare to reject the offer, I'll really KNOCK your head, I tell you!" He jokingly threatened.

That last sentence jolted me to my senses and, right there and then, it jump-started a somewhat finalized conviction. Because that sentence is something real and unpretentious. Because that sentence spells - clearly and plainly - the word c-a-r-e. Because I know, somewhere deep down in my heart, I would regret - heavily - rejecting the offer at least once in my lifetime.

Thanks, ZW, for offering to even enlist your sister's help. It really gave me tons of encouragement. Thanks, for offering to knock my head because it woke me up and propelled me forward.



Thanks, too, to XW; who was there, patiently. The times when I was sad. The times when tears overflowed. The times when I had no money to eat. The times of praying for the upcoming examinations. The times of asking for a list of the dates of the exam papers so that specific prayers can be made. The time - especially - that night by the River, when I nearly - very nearly - wanted to give up. I was so tired of everything, and wanted to quit school and start working. I was only in year 1 or year 2, but yet, suddenly, everything is not important anymore. Family. Work. Studies. University. Academic. Sponsorship bond. Damages. Finances. Who cares? What have always been important in my heart, suddenly, I couldn't care, anymore. That night, I asked a very important question, and you gave a very honest answer. It hurt, really, at that instant, it really did. I was shocked because, in my heart, I expected to hear the "oh-so-standard" answer - which did not come. Momentarily, a part of me grieved and resented you for that. For the mere cruelty of the act. For not telling me falsehood. The truth hurt, really. But it made me stronger, and it made my conviction even stronger as well. That, no matter what, I'm going to love - no matter what. That night, the truth hurt; but it freed - and strengthened me - at the same time. For that, I'm still grateful to you. But in the end? I didn't quit school. But. I quit the walk. It must have disappointed you so.



Thanks, for bringing me back. While I was out there for 6months, just as suddenly, you engaged me and extended an invitation; even though I was reluctant to at first. I tried to wriggle and slip off like a fish instead. Thanks, for not even once forcing me to make a decision but allowed me choices. I was lukewarm; unwilling to sacrifice "freedom"; reluctant to commit again; but I was given the space to decide, the grace to choose. Eventually, over time, I did. And because the choice is mine, it has now grown to become something personal; something me. Because the choice is mine, it has now come to a point whereby it is no longer just a decision - which is something factual. And as time goes by, we have differences and have gone through rough patches. But you know what? I'm glad we did.









Anyway, THE highlight of this post is:

TA-DAA!

These people are important, too. Very important. More than important.

At the end of the day, there is - still - no place like home.