LAME IS GOOD

When asked for something descriptive, the word "lame" is among those that would pop up. Well, I don't deny; sometimes, I can be a little cold.



Anyway, this morning, I was relief-ing one of the sec 1NA classes. Apparently, this class is notorious for all the wrong reasons. I went in feeling apprehensive; and a part of me agonized at how unlucky it is to kena this class out of so many others.

I got the class to stand up and settle down - which took quite a while. Following which, I introduced myself. "Class, your subject teacher is not around today. I'm here to relieve this lesson. My name is Ms. P." I paused for a moment to gather their attention before continuing, "Good morning, class!"

They greeted back. I got them to settle down, and stated my rules and regulations. Since this is the last period before recess, I struck a deal with them. If they behave themselves, do their work, and not make too much noise, they would be dismissed for recess a couple of minutes earlier.

They cheered and roared. The deal went down quite well with them. Throughout the period, the noise level is considerably acceptable. Of course, excluding the repeated incidences when I had to get so-and-so to "go back to your seat!" or "come down from the table!" or "lower your volume over there!".

So, it was a pretty good relief period. All of a sudden, a boy who was seated among the front few rows asked a seemingly-innocuous question.

"Cher, do you have a high IQ?"

I looked at him, and the gears in my brain started churning. Is this some kind of a trick question? I eyed him suspiciously and weighed the odds. When you're unsure, saying "I don't know" is always the best way out.

"Not sure. Why?" I replied warily.

"Cher, I ask you ah. This is a bean," He pinched his thumb and index finger together to signify a bean, "and I place it on my palm. Then, I squash it between my palms. What is it called?" He asked.

Without skipping a beat, I replied (coolly, I hope!), "Soya bean (手压bean)."

Thank goodness I've an internal repository of lame jokes; you'll never know what will come in useful.

He looked impressed.

"Then, Cher, why does Superman fly with only one arm outstretched?"

"Cos he needs to change gear."

"Then, Cher, all the trees and plants in a forest have a cake, except for one. What is it?"

I couldn't guess.

"The answer is grass! 'Cos strawberry cake (草没蛋糕)!" He reply joyfully.

"Then, Cher, if a cake is sad, who encourages him?" He persisted.

"Pig," I replied, "because 猪鼓励蛋糕".

"Then, Cher, we have 3 animals: a lion, a tiger, and a pig. Which is the most fearsome among all?"

I couldn't answer this too.

"Pig!" He giggled, "You know why? The lion says, 'When I roar, everyone is scared." The tiger says, "When I roar, everyone is scared." But the pig says, "When I sneeze, everyone kena H1N1!"

I suddenly felt an impulsive urge to throw a chair at him.

"Then, Cher, ask you ah. What is 1 + 1?"

This feels dangerous. I pondered it over carefully.

"I don't know. What?"

"Aiyo... Cher, you like this also dunno? 1 + 1 is 2 lah!" He laughed, "Cher, then what is 2 + 2?"

"No idea."

"4 lor. Then what is 4 + 4?"

I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head.

"8! Cher, so easy you also don't know! Stupid, eh!" He teased, and added as an afterthought, "Oh ya, what's my first question ah, Cher?"

"You asked whether my IQ is high a not." I replied with a poker face (to be fair, I nearly fell for it. I almost said, 'You asked me what is 1 + 1').









FOR ONCE, I'M PROUD TO BE LAME.

Lame-ness is a skill, I tell you!