FAVOURITES

FAVOURITES


Just yesterday night, on Thursday, without prompting, Grace lied down and rested her head on my laps idyllically while drinking her milk.



It's a common trap, an universal pitfall, to have favourites. Of course, indubitably, there are instances when I question myself whether am I unknowingly practicing favouritism. I checked my heart. Hence, whenever Serene's around, I would make a conscious attempt to give her as much attention and affection as I do to Grace. When I'm patting Grace's head, I make it a point to stroke Serene's cheeks as well.

Just because Serene - being older - is not as "cute" as her younger sister does not mean that she deserves less affection.
Just because Serene does not take the initiative and come up to me asking to be carried or hugged, it doesn't mean that she needs less love.
Just because Serene does not kiss me on the cheeks doesn't mean that she needs less attention.

On the contrary, all the things that she does to mimic her younger sister seem to me to be a call for attention, a cry for affection. Dad and Mum always says that by obliging her, I'm only encouraging her to be more "yang or". But I beg to differ. If anything, this is to let Serene know that she does not need to be anybody in order to be loved. There's no need to mimic her sister's baby-talking, Neither is there a need to bully her sister. She is fine - and loved - the way she is. There's perfectly no need to be anybody else.

I think, it is really sad if one has to "pretend" and be an aberration from the usual self in order to get some love and affection and concern. I don't know, but if I ever hear anyone saying things like, "Oh... You know, actually A and B matters to me equally. It's not that I treat them differently, it's just the way that I show love and relate to each of them that's different!"; chances are, I'll be bold enough to shoot back, "You know, you sound pathologically schizophrenic.". That's the truth. Don't lie. At the end of the day, it actually all boils down to how much a person matters and how much love and concern another person has for him/her. There's only one way to show love; and that's to do it expressively. Tough love? Silent love? Please save it for yourself.

And I totally snort when I hear people saying things the likes of, "You know, that period of time when you were going through the rough patch, it might appear on the surface that I was hardly bothered or concerned. The matter of the fact is: I've been watching from behind, to see how you overcome and tackle it. I've been watching you, and waiting for you." How helpful.

You know what, can I say it's all excuses to my ears? It's very simple and clear-cut: it's either you're there, or you're not. If someone matters enough, surely no one would be contented by simply sitting on the sideline and watch; without actively participating or helping. Rather than glossing it over, I think I would have much more respect if one would just admit and acknowledge the truth. That you're busy. That you're up to the neck at that moment. Or even that I'm probably not high on your priority list. Disappointed, maybe; but I won't even get angry - so long as I hear the truth and not some lousy excuses. I think, if and when I am ever at my weak moments, what I need - and would appreciate - is some company and encouraging words; a hand to pull me up. The last I need is a stalker. And a silent one at that.

It's the same with the 2 girls at home. Even though I hang out more and spend more time with Grace, I try not to neglect Serene as well. If one has to be someone else in order to receive love, I totally despise that love, and I despise the person giving that kind of love. I know for sure, if I have to pretend to be someone else in order to receive concern, I would deadly rather not. Favouritism is a really bad practice. Certainly, no one likes to be on the receiving end of the shorter stick. All the more for kids. They may be as different as day and night, but I'll still try to love them all the same; in the same way.