STYLE

It’s my belief that suspense is one thing, but surprise is totally another.


I’ve always hated suspense. Surprises are certainly pleasant, but the same cannot be said for suspense. If anything, suspense is very CRUEL.


It’s like dangling a carrot in the face of a rabbit, without the intention of giving it to the poor animal. Nehninehnipupu!


It’s like, “Tell you something ah, you know, when I was on the way to the toilet just now, I saw.. Ah.. Never mind.” “What is it? What did you see???” “It’s ok…” “Quiickkk~ Tell me, what is it?” “Really.. Noth… Nothi..ing…” ARGHHH!!!


You get my drift?


This preference of mine also shows itself evident in my reading habits. Once I’ve started a book, it’s so hard to stop. There is just this… arrghhh! feeling. I. MUST. KNOW. WHAT. HAPPENS. NEXT!




The other day, I was sharing this with Poh Lin on the train. Sometimes, I admitted, I would just simply flip to the last few chapters and read the ending directly.


She was flabbergasted. It’s a spoiler, she said.


I was just as flabbergasted as her. How can you bear not knowing the ending? The suspense is killing! I asked.


And anyway, isn’t knowing the ending better? Let’s say, I’m now at the middle of the book. I know the characters and the gist of the plot pretty well by now. And the suspense is killing me! Won’t it be better off if I just jump straight and read the ending? It kills the annoying suspense.


Moreover, I now know the ending. And I know the beginning. THIS GIVES ME ROOM FOR CREATIVITY! I have the start, and I have the end. I know the destination, but the journey is up to me to guess. So now, it’s up to me to imagine how the heck did the story plot end the way it did.




She concluded I’m weird.

TIME AND BRAIN

When I was young, I would fall asleep on the couch or the floor... And wake up in bed. 
Wow, WOW! WOW!!! I've always thought it's magic!




Now I know there's nothing magical to it.











Funny how age can do funny things to your brain.

SCRAPPED

The old vehicle is getting scrapped TODAY! 


It feels weird, really; considering that it has served us for 18 long years.



Anyway, the new vehicle is arriving this Thursday!

TERM 1, TERM 2... TERM 3 (AND YOU'RE FAT)

In the blinking of an eye, Term 3 is over and finished. 3 more months to go, and I'LL BE WORKING FULL-TIME FOR A FULL YEAR!!! 


Time flies so fast.






On a sidenote, RO (my supervisor) is back! He came back during the last week of Term 3.

For Term 1 and Term 2, I've had repeated, well-meaning "nags" from him to eat more. He'll say it to the face, straight. Something to the likes of: You're skinny (thin would be a more kinder word, in my opinion). Guys won't like it. Really, I'm a guy. A bit more flesh would be better.


To sum it up, it's all about guys liking slim women with curves. Apparently, I'm a beanpole by his standards. Even though he didn't say it per se, but the gist is there. His intention is well-meaning, and I'm not offended. He used to joke, asking me to drop by his gym to "tone up". Anyway, his main point is: BE MEATIER.





This is his advice for the whole of Term 1 and Term 2. And then, he went on No-Pay-Leave to set up said gym.


He came back last week. 






The first opportunity we had to chat (which was last Wednesday), he commented,"You know, I saw you at the parade square on Monday morning. And from far ah, can see that 你肥了一点."

"You've put on a bit of weight, right? I see very accurate one. I own a gym; maybe that's why I've acquired a critical eye when it comes to physique. You've put on a little weight. And I think you look better. Really. See liao more 顺眼."

I'm still feeling so affected by this. Yeah, I mean, I know men like curves and all. But, hey!! 我肥了!!!!!!!! It feels like being handed a death sentence; only it's worse! *cue lightning bolt* I'm feeling so conflicted inside! I'm more curvy now, yeahhh!!! BUT I'M PUTTING ON WEIGHT!!!!!! FLABS!!!  


SAVE MEEEEE!!!





I'm still fighting the temptation to go on a diet.

ENGLISH

FAIL.

LEAD

"The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership."
 

- Colin Powell, Chairman of the US joint chief staff, 1989 - 1993

TOFU

Born on 20th April 2010.

Brought him home on Tuesday, 10th August 2010.

Day 1, evening. Drove him back from the farmway. From when we first saw him at the farmway all the way until we reached home, we've not heard a beep from him. Even when he sees strangers (namely - Dad, the younger brother, and I). We thought that he is a mute.


Today is Day 4. 



Trust me, he's anything but mute.

DRAW, SWIM, AND TALENT?

Two weeks ago, I was stuck in this meeting, and was bored. So. I doodled on a piece of A4 rough paper. With a black pen.

There was no particular idea or concept or theme in mind. It took a split moment of pondering to decide what to draw. It has always been challenging (to me) to draw a ribbon. An artistically nice, flowing, elegant-looking ribbon bow. So. I tried to draw a simple (elegant, I hope) ribbon bow with long tails.

I thought the single ribbon looked lonely. So. I drew a music symbol directly beneath it. It still looked pretty empty. So. I put in a question mark symbol. And threw in a leaf.




A few days later, I looked at the drawing again. NOW it looked so girly. Ribbon, music, leaf. It seemed off-balanced. It needed angles. ANGLES. Something masculine. So. I added in two lightning bolts. Then, a cube. I thought the cube looked lonely, too. So. I added a smiley face onto the cube and gave it two tiny feet.



Yesterday, after ending some oral duties and while waiting for CCA to end at 6pm, I took a short break in my cubicle. Looked at the drawing again. Decided to create some background by using connecting lines, hearts, stars, and some other weird, random shapes. Rounded the background off with random tenacious strands of ivy. I thought the ivy looked lonely too. So. I drew a simple toothpick-drawing of a man hanging off one of the ivy strands.

Silly, impromptu drawings of random items lumped together - courtesy of boredom. I thought nothing of it, because, hey, it's a senseless drawing. Ribbon. Music. Question mark. Lightning bolts. Leaf. A smiley cube. Hearts. Stars. Ivy. Hanging man. TOTALLY SENSELESS. No theme, no concept, no ideas. Just nonsensical doodling of random items spread over separate days.



Today, WC walked past my desk and chanced upon the drawing. He complimented it, and jokingly asked me to "jump ship"; switch over and teach Art. I thought he was just teasing me, because, you know, how could it be? AND coming from an arty-farty person like himself - who is the man behind all the posters and board decorations during our recent carnival? Someone who graduated from an art institution? Someone who takes brilliant photographs like this one?

(credits: WC)









I thought what I drew would be child's play to him.




"Nah, I mean it. It's nice" He added, "The kids here mostly won't be able to draw something like this, I daresay."


Really? I just drew it on a whim, you know. Quite half-heartedly, truthfully.

"Actually, everyone can draw. It's inside of us. Just that as people grow older, we become more self-conscious. More self-restrained. Afraid of doing things wrongly. 

Either that, or it could be pragmatism over creativity.  The society, the environment, doesn't encourage the use of it.

And thus, we gradually "lose" what we have inside us - by hiding it or by not using it. But, it's in there; it's innate; hidden; covered."

He continued, "Really. I tried an experiment before. I got a kid blindfolded and ask him to draw intuitively. And the picture he drew; it was pretty amazing. Even his friends - and even he himself - was surprised and in awe."


Art. Drawing. So, it's something like swimming? Do you know, all babies are able to swim? If you throw an infant into the water, it can swim by itself.

"Yeah! Same. People grow up, they get educated, and at the same time, they get scared to let themselves 'go' freely. Self-constrained. So, they begin to lose what they have - but it's inside them all the while. Or while they're growing up, the body undergoes physical changes. They feel uncomfortable with it; awkward. So they start losing it, too. Like, swimming."

It makes me think. It's not so much of talent. Success does not hinge so much on talent. Oh well, maybe there is - aptitude. But whatever aptitude there is is easily smothered, too.




Ok, I'm rattling. 




Goodnight.

ALICE

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don’t much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"--so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you’re sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."