DOG!!!

Just the other day, I was hugging Tofu. Bringing his face close to mine, side by side, I popped THE question to Dad.

"Dad!!! Do we look alike? 我们像吗？ Cute???"

He replied, cool as cucumber, "Yeah, of course! Very alike. YOU LOOK LIKE A DOG!"






SIGH!




Dads ARE evil, didn't I already say so?

MOCK JEALOUSY

Biologically, we're constitutionally made up of 50% paternal and 50% maternal. Afterall, we did receive a copy of a DNA strand in each chromosome set from each parent.

I guess, I have a sound idea of where my crappy-ness stems from.

Dad has always been a smoker as far back as I can remember. When I was much younger, it was always one of the painful bones of contention between the two adults. Thus, in recent years, Dad has taken to puffing away in the bathroom; which is - of course - not very, well, smart.

"Dadddddd", I whined out of the earshot of Mum, "The bathroom stinks!!! How can I shower now?"

I sniffed at the air around him and exclaimed jestingly in mock horror. "Oh! 你也很臭 leh..."

Involuntarily letting out a bubble of suppressed giggle, he admonished in a mocking tone; punctured dramatically with an air of heartbreaking grievances, "啊~！ 养女儿真没用。长大后只会说爸爸臭!".

Yesterday afternoon, we were on our way down to the grooming center. I was pretty fretful over Tofu's welfare. I moaned and groaned and rattled on like a broken recorder. Would they be rough on Tofu? Would Tofu enjoy himself over there? Or would he moan and cry at being "abandoned"? Would they feed Tofu water and food? Should I have brought along Tofu's toys so that he can keep himself entertained? Am I going to miss him loads in the hours he's gone? I'm going to be so lovesick!!! And would he miss me too? Would he pin for my return? How would he look like after the grooming session? Will he be very handsome and smart-looking? How clean-looking would he be? He's going to be soooo handsome and dashing and clean and cute, right?

All of a sudden, Dad sighed pitifully.

“你很没有用！

每次一回到家就只会立刻找阿腐。 不见得你回来就找我。

还有啊， 养了你这么大， 都没听过你说我一声 ‘帅’。 现在只会一至说阿腐帅。

养女儿真没用啊！

早知道会这样， 以前你 baby 的时候， might as well 把你丢进垃圾桶啦！”

Dads are evil, I tell you.

COUNT

I think someone needs to go for Math remedial.

 

HAHA! 

=)

LAW LOR

A weird but funny thought crossed my mind just now.

I think, law students can get quite misunderstood - and a tad too often at that.

Especially during the season of CNY.



Relative A (whom is met only once a year): What are you doing now, Ah Boy? Studying or working?

Ah Boy: I'm studying.

Relative A: Ooohhhhh... What are you studying?

Ah Boy: Studying law.

Relative A: Oohhoooookkkkkk... Studying what, ah?

Ah Boy: Ermmm... I'm studying law.

Relative A: Ya lah, I know. Study WHAT?

Ah Boy: Told you already what, I'm studying law!

Relative A: I know, lah! But what, lah???

Ah Boy: Studying law!!! LAW!!!
*repeat entire conversation exchange with Relatives B, C, D, E, and F.









*kekeke!!!*

Ok, fine, I was bored just now.

3 ASS BUM

I "re-discovered" this old photo just now. I had found it kind of hilarious, and thus snapped a picture of it.

Early in the year, two old-time secondary school classmates and I were having supper at Bedok 85. We ordered some chicken wings as a side dish.

Within minutes, our order was efficiently delivered by the stall auntie. We devoured the delectable wings. We licked the fingers. We looked at the plate. We laughed.

3 ASS BUM?????!!!



For a moment, we wondered have we - in one way or another - offended the auntie unknowingly. To make things worse, there were EXACTLY 3 of us at the table!

It was only minutes later then we realized that it's actually...

"3" --> 3 pieces of chicken wings
"ASS" --> A55 (which is our table number)
"BUM" --> This, till today, I'm still trying to decipher this mystery. Hmmm...

THE RING

URBANIZED JUNGLE

I was walking home from the bus stop earlier just now.

I thought I saw a lizard and nearly let out a Y!E!L!P!. Turned out to be a frog. It paused for a moment before continue hopping (rather energetically) across the pavement and onto the grass patch.

This is the, what? 4th time frogs are spotted in my area of residence?

Hihi! I am Frog No. 3.

I literally live in an urbanized jungle. Lizards. Snails. Bats. Centipedes. Millipedes. Frogs.



I'm expecting to see snakes next.

HELP!

Using a magnet, Dad posted this letter up on the door of the bomb shelter for the benefit of all.




SHUCKS!


Somebody, please jio me out on Wednesday from 2pm - 4.30pm!



P.S. I stay on the 12th storey! No lifts?!?!? 完蛋！

P.S.S. I initially thought that Dad was scolding a certain vulgarity. (N.B.).

P.S.S.S. I don't have the heart to tell him that he has misspelled "wednesday". Kekeke!

YNWA

What? True what...

LAME IS GOOD

When asked for something descriptive, the word "lame" is among those that would pop up. Well, I don't deny; sometimes, I can be a little cold.



Anyway, this morning, I was relief-ing one of the sec 1NA classes. Apparently, this class is notorious for all the wrong reasons. I went in feeling apprehensive; and a part of me agonized at how unlucky it is to kena this class out of so many others.

I got the class to stand up and settle down - which took quite a while. Following which, I introduced myself. "Class, your subject teacher is not around today. I'm here to relieve this lesson. My name is Ms. P." I paused for a moment to gather their attention before continuing, "Good morning, class!"

They greeted back. I got them to settle down, and stated my rules and regulations. Since this is the last period before recess, I struck a deal with them. If they behave themselves, do their work, and not make too much noise, they would be dismissed for recess a couple of minutes earlier.

They cheered and roared. The deal went down quite well with them. Throughout the period, the noise level is considerably acceptable. Of course, excluding the repeated incidences when I had to get so-and-so to "go back to your seat!" or "come down from the table!" or "lower your volume over there!".

So, it was a pretty good relief period. All of a sudden, a boy who was seated among the front few rows asked a seemingly-innocuous question.

"Cher, do you have a high IQ?"

I looked at him, and the gears in my brain started churning. Is this some kind of a trick question? I eyed him suspiciously and weighed the odds. When you're unsure, saying "I don't know" is always the best way out.

"Not sure. Why?" I replied warily.

"Cher, I ask you ah. This is a bean," He pinched his thumb and index finger together to signify a bean, "and I place it on my palm. Then, I squash it between my palms. What is it called?" He asked.

Without skipping a beat, I replied (coolly, I hope!), "Soya bean (手压bean)."

Thank goodness I've an internal repository of lame jokes; you'll never know what will come in useful.

He looked impressed.

"Then, Cher, why does Superman fly with only one arm outstretched?"

"Cos he needs to change gear."

"Then, Cher, all the trees and plants in a forest have a cake, except for one. What is it?"

I couldn't guess.

"The answer is grass! 'Cos strawberry cake (草没蛋糕)!" He reply joyfully.

"Then, Cher, if a cake is sad, who encourages him?" He persisted.

"Pig," I replied, "because 猪鼓励蛋糕".

"Then, Cher, we have 3 animals: a lion, a tiger, and a pig. Which is the most fearsome among all?"

I couldn't answer this too.

"Pig!" He giggled, "You know why? The lion says, 'When I roar, everyone is scared." The tiger says, "When I roar, everyone is scared." But the pig says, "When I sneeze, everyone kena H1N1!"

I suddenly felt an impulsive urge to throw a chair at him.

"Then, Cher, ask you ah. What is 1 + 1?"

This feels dangerous. I pondered it over carefully.

"I don't know. What?"

"Aiyo... Cher, you like this also dunno? 1 + 1 is 2 lah!" He laughed, "Cher, then what is 2 + 2?"

"No idea."

"4 lor. Then what is 4 + 4?"

I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head.

"8! Cher, so easy you also don't know! Stupid, eh!" He teased, and added as an afterthought, "Oh ya, what's my first question ah, Cher?"

"You asked whether my IQ is high a not." I replied with a poker face (to be fair, I nearly fell for it. I almost said, 'You asked me what is 1 + 1').









FOR ONCE, I'M PROUD TO BE LAME.

Lame-ness is a skill, I tell you!

TOWERED

Lately, my ego has been getting knocks.



Growing up around 2 brothers are not easy. Not only do they smell bad, speak their own language, talk loud, eat alot, and are crazy over football / DOTA / WOW / IT gadgets etc, the most hateful thing is: they tower over me. Yes, even the younger brother, who is 7 years my junior.

Whenever they feel like, they would simply stand right in front of me, puff up their chest, and look down at me. Literally. Look down at me. It feels intimidating. I feel all so puny. I feel as mighty as an ant. Disgusting feeling. I'm secretly lavishing over the idea of using the index finger to p!o!k!e! them in the offensive-looking chest. Puff lah, puff lah, puff your chest somemore? That has gotta hurt! Hohoho!



During lessons, too. It antagonizes terrors me how, more often than not, students are - if not taller than me - at least of the same height as me. There are, like, 3 TALL people in one of the classes; all of whom are males. Of course, as any typical schoolboys, they like to jump and coil up the string cord that is attached to the projector screen. They are simply AWESOME in jumping. The string cord would ALWAYS end up coiling around the projector screen at least 3 rounds. This is a mockery to me because (ahem!) teachers don't - and never will - stand on a chair just to uncoil the string cord so as to pull down a projector screen. No, no, I insist, not that I'm short. Teachers just don't do these kind of things; these kind of specialized jobs are always specially reserved for the tallest in class.

Yeah, right. Who am I kidding?



Anyway, just the other day, the 3 boys were teasing each other. Talk about opportune timing! As I walked into the class, the tallest of them all so happened to tuck the victim's pencil box neatly behind the PA system speaker. It was TOTALLY AMAZING! In my heart, I was like, "GOSH! WOW!!! Oh my goodness!!! HOW ON EARTH...!!! BRILLIANT!". It was picture-perfect! His jump was graceful and light. My eyes nearly popped out, and I nearly requested for an encore. That aside, I was utterly amused by their playful antics. What darlings. Those boys!



I've always thought that the only one kind thing with respect to this job is that my feet can be spared from being subjected to the often-understated tortures of wearing heels. Heels not only promote bad posture, and are also really bad for knees and ankles by creating extra pressure on them. I've always been thankful for the fact that I prance around in heels on only one day per week at most, which is, Saturday.

Well, as the saying goes, "There are two sides to every coin". Today, during one of the lessons, one girl (from the same class as the 3 TALLies) walked pass me. For reasons unknown, she suddenly announced happily (but a tad too gleeful for my liking), "老师，我跟你一样高！"

She's 15.







That sound just now?

Oh, it's just the sound of my ego shattering.

FLUSHING TOILETS

Some months back, a couple of coursemates and I were having "high-tea" after lesson. We were chilling out at Ya Kun at Jurong Point.

We were chatting about some random stuffs which I can't recall when, suddenly, PL (our "chauffeur" of the day) blurted out, "You know, have you any idea how important TOILET COVERS are? What are they used for?" He asked.

I frowned and think hard. Now, this is kind of a good question. Momentarily, a faint image of a person sitting on a toilet cover, shaking legs, and reading newspaper floated into my mind.

"Sit down and read newspaper!" I suggested hopefully.

"Your head. Actually, do you know that each time we flush the toilet bowl, the impact of the flush pump is so great that the molecules/particles of the contents in the toilet bowl would rise up into the air? That's what the toilet cover is for: to cover the toilet seat and prevent the tiny, minuscule particles from "flying out"! I read this from an article. And do you know that if the toilet bowl is left open while flushing, the rush of particle molecules is powerful enough to reach up to a height of 6 storeys?"

"That is like an atomic bomb! A mini nuclear bomb! AND IN A TOILET CUBICLE!"

"Yes! Precisely so! So now you know the grave importance of toilet covers?"



Nuclear bomb. I pictured a mushroom cloud of particles exploding and bombarding within the confinement of a small toilet cubicle. The too-small-to-be-seen-with-the-naked-eyes particles of human waste. Invisible, disgusting enemies; millions and millions of them. I imagined myself at Expo Hall 8, standing and queuing in line for eons to use the ladies; all the time with 4 or 5 toilet bowls being constantly flushed - with the toilet covers opened.

I shuddered.



Flushing toilets and visiting the ladies will never be the same again.



P.S. The content of this post is a tad geeky and science-y, I know. Hey, this is what you get when the company you're hanging out with is a bunch of NIE trainees, with 4 of them teaching Chemistry as the main subject. *WOOT!*

IN A NUTSHELL

Got this from an email.

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one", but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.
Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.

These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.

One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.').

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.

The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.

He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

_________________________________________________________________________

This is so funny. Oh man, it reminds me of the time when I knew nothing about God.

I've heard of the virgin Mary, but didn't know she gave birth to Jesus (hello? A virgin?). I've never even heard of the names David (the only David I know of is David Beckham) and Goliath before; much more know about the giant-slaying story. And Noah's ark? Yeah, I've heard of it; but somehow, I used to associate it with a pet haven. Think I saw a pet shop somewhere with the name "Noah's Ark", that's why. Yes, go ahead and laugh.

Cruxification? I thought Jesus is the only men on earth to be nailed to a cross. How cruel. Must have hurt like anything.

It was also the time when I literally pronounced "Pharaoh" as "Fa - ra - oh" (my fault? "Pharmacy" IS pronounced as "fa-mer-cy" also, what!). It became, of course, a joke (more of a humiliation, I guess). It was also the time when I was totally naive too; feeling strongly that Lucifer is a victim (poor Lucifer, sooo victimised) and that we should pray that he'll change so that he'll, miraculously, be saved. I nearly grinned when PK mentioned it last week. Ok, I did grin.

Oh man, was I ever THAT silly?

NEVER THE SAME AGAIN

Last night, the younger brother proudly showed me the display screen of his mobile phone. Set in the background is a picture of a Liverpool player soaring across the field with arms widely spread like an eagle. Stamped boldly across it is the word "You'll Never Walk Alone".



"You'll Never Walk Alone". He whispered in boyish reverence, fueled with fervent passion.



He is crazy over Liverpool. And I've been bombarded enough (brothers! Sigh!) to know that "You'll Never Walk Alone" is the "slogan" of the mighty football club. Man, I can even hum the tune of the song "You'll Never Walk Alone" (just don't ask me for the lyrics).

I glanced at the words showing on his mobile screen, and read it out loud silently. Then, just like a light bulb, a sudden, mischievous thought dawned.



"You know, have you think of it this way before? 'You'll never walk alone'. Doesn't it sound kind of... Perverted? I asked conversationally. "You'll never walk alone. Don't ever ever - not even for a moment - think that you're alone; you're not quite so. It sounds like someone's stalking you, doesn't it? Especially when you're walking home alone dead in the night? YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE. Freaky. Creepy".



He looked at me and burst out laughing - before asking me to shut up.



The word "YNWA" will never be the same for him ever again. =)

SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN A MALE

I've always thought that National Service is good.

Where else is a better place to instill discipline and learn critical skills, and at the same time - other than free food and free lodging - also stand to receive free medical services, free doctors, free medical consultations, free gym facilities, free gym "instructors" and etc? All in all, you get paid to exercise and look good! AND YET STILL GET A SALARY AT THE END OF EACH MONTH? And, not forgetting, NSmen get a bigger pie of the GST offset package, too! Preposterous!

Plus the fact that those who have been through NS would get an extra increment in their salary compared to the female counterpart - for the same amount of workload. Now, I've never really bothered about the sum; because sometimes, in some cases, ignorance is bliss.

On Thursday night however, after PM at Riverwalk during dinner, my bliss got shattered. An extra of $400 per month - for the same amount of workload - is a whole lot of money. It's like getting a BONUS every month!



"Aiyah, it's $400 only. Nothing much, la!" My friend dismissed jokingly (I suspect he was just trying to make me feel better).

My eyes bulged. One thing for sure, if I have this extra $400, I would not be juggling and looking out for tuition jobs right now. Ahah! Now, I need to inflate the figure to make him speechless and win the war in one good swipe.

"$400 a month; that makes it $4,000 per 10 months. In one year, that will be $4,800. In a decade, that will be a WHOOPING $48,000." I concluded, "You give me $48k la, I'll be glad to do 10 years worth of ICT and reservist and whatever on your behalf!"



TSK! Really! GUYS! Tsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsktsk!!!



If I ever hear anyone complaining and lamenting about wasting 2 solid years in NS and reservists and ICT and whatnots, I shall twist and snap their neck like a twig.



Arggh! TSK! Really! MEN!

They just don't get it!



DISCLAIMER: (20th June 2009) - This blog entry is extracted from a lighthearted conversation with a fellow friend, and is clearly labeled under the category "humour". It is, thus, not meant to be taken seriously.

POWER OF VISUALIZATION

This guy is one of my favourites in DBSK (oppaaaa!!!).

Kim Jae Joong

And so, earlier on, I was surfing around and by chance, stumbled upon an application a friend imported into her Facebook.

Again, this is the guy.

And this is... ... ...

OUR HYBRID BABY!!!
(Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!!! SO CUTE, SO AWESOMELY CUTE!!! Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness!!! Could this be my Fluoride? Oh, my Fluoride!!! OHHH!!! Someone, give me a jab of tranquilizer! QUICK! Now!!! NOW!!!)

Who'll eventually - using computer technology - grow up to look like... ... ...





OH MY GOODNESS!!!

MY DAUGHTER IS SOOO SHARP-LOOKING!!!
SHE IS ONE COOL LADY!!!

I think she has my eyes!

JOKE OF THE DAY

This is very slow, I know, but I only found out on last Wednesday that there is going to be a match between Liverpool and Singapore in... Ermmm... July? If my memory serves me correctly? (Ermmm, honestly, com'on? Is there even a need for this match? Isn't it obvious enough?)

I heard this piece of old news from the younger brother, who was very excited about booking the tickets. He was practically gushing over it.



Anyway, last night, after logging off from the internet, I went to the living room to take a breather. Sprawling slothfully across the couch, I munched on the dark chocolate cookies which were left over from the day's lunch at Subway. It was then I realized that they're showing the live telecast of a football match.

The younger brother eyed me suspiciously. "姐," he called out, "you know what is Tot?"

"Tottenham, lah!" Please, man, this is a piece of CAKE. Growing up around 2 MALE siblings certainly have some advantages. I used to play games like Championship Manager, Red Alert, Counter Strike, Final Fantasy etc. Well, how could I not? With 2 brothers, the category of games and entertainment available around the house is quite limited.

The younger brother looked genuinely impressed.

"Name me a Liverpool player, leh." He persisted.

Now, I know he's an arrant fan of Gerrad (did I even get the spelling correct?), and hence resisted giving that as an answer. I bit off a hearty chuck of the tasty cookie and contemplated momentarily. "Owen. Michael Owen." I chewed thoughtfully, and a sudden horror striked me, "Oh! WAIT! I take that back! He got transferred out, is it not?!"

"PLEASE, LAH! THAT IS LIKE A MILLION OF YEARS AGO ALREADY, LOH!" The younger brother exclaimed in exasperation. He threw me an incredulous look as though I'm a Martian who just landed on Earth, and proclaimed unceremoniously that I'm the joke of the day.



Crushed.



That's the thing about growing up with 2 male siblings and no sisters. You get ribbed at. Alot.


What can I say? I grew up in the era where Beckham was still handsome, still unmarried, and still had his wind-blown flyaway blonde, long fringe. Shearer, Scholes, Cole, Yorke, Solskjaer, Bergkamp, Fowler, and Sheringham were some of the better strikers I know of. Shay Given, Fabian Barthez, and that old old former-Man U guy (I can't remember his name. Gosh, has he retired already?) were rather good goalkeepers as I remember it. Neville and Butt were the only defenders I know and remember of to date. Ryan Giggs and the handsome Beckham were the 2 dunno-what-left-and-right-wings. Owen, oh yes. Owen was the handsome, young, and super-talented guy in Liverpool. Yes, this is the era I grew up in.


P.S. Okay, I just googled it out. NOW I remember. It's Schmeichel. Peter Schmeichel.

DATING A CHEMISTRY MAJOR

DATING A CHEMISTRY MAJOR


Again, got this piece of precious gem from Facebook!


10 reasons to date a Chemistry major:

10) We know how to handle HOT items.

9) We know how to make reactions go.

8) We have all the right elements, and we know all the right conditions.

7) We can handle chain reactions, with multiple stages.

6) We use a "periodic" table.

5) We like Anal. Chemistry.

4) We know all about heat / fluid transfer.

3) We stay up all night.

2) We have significant figures.

1) We are always willing to experiment.

CORNY SCIENCE

CORNY SCIENCE


Got this gem from Facebook!

What does a chemist do when he sees a fire?
He calculates the heat of reaction and synthesizes a suitably endothermic reaction to put it out.

Two protons walk into a bar talking about a mutual friend.
Proton: Did you hear Electron 7 got thrown into another orbital and wasn't happy about it?
Proton 2: Yea, well. He's always been negative that way.

The Physicist, upon seeing all the waves, gets very excited and runs into the water, disappearing.
The Marine Biologist, aware of tremendous variety of marine life in the ocean, also gets very excited, and runs into the water, disappearing.
The Chemist pulls out her notebook, and writes "The Physicist and the Marine Biologist are soluble in water"

Q: While walking into a lab, how does one know which lab is it?
A: If it's green and wabbles - it's a biology lab.
If it stinks - it's a chemistry lab
And if it doesn't work - it's a physics lab...

Q: What happened to the molecular biologist who swallowed a beaker full of restriction endonucleases?
A: He came to a sticky end

Chemistry is killing me: anytime I do a Diels-Alder reaction, I think I'm diene.

Q: What did one lab rat say to the other?
A: "I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack."

Did you hear about the biologist who had twins? She baptized one and kept the other as a control!

Hydrogen is such a whore, it'll bond to anything!
Helium is such a prude.

Scientist: "For my next experiment I intend to prove that neutrons have mass."
Non-scientist: "Neutrons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic"

A small furry animal walks into a bar, orders a drink. Bartender looks at him, says "Sorry, the occupancy is 6.03 x 10^23. We cannot serve a mole."

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.

Two gases are talking to each other and they see another gas walk by. . .
gas 1: Man, that is the IDEAL gas!
gas 2: Eww, you pvnrt!

Q: Why does e^x hate going to parties?
A: Because no matter how hard he tries, he always fails to integrate

I wish I was Adenine so I can be paired with U! (Doro, bet you're able to get this joke!)

At NIH (National Institute of Health), there is a sign on the door of a microbiology lab that reads "STAPH ONLY!"

Do you have mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602-1023.

If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase...that way I could unzip your genes. (Doro! Haha.)

So I was talking to Heisenberg the other day and I asked him, "How’s it going?" and he said, "Not so good..."
I asked "Why not so good?" and he said "Well… It's the ladies.. I just can’t get any!"
I said "Why not? I mean you'd think the ladies would be swarming you with international fame and all."
His reply was "Well, they are, they are... It's just when I've got the time I haven't got the energy and when I've got the energy I haven’t got the time...."

Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! My flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the ice. The Bunsen burner replied: "It's just a phase you're going through".

Q: What's the difference between Chemistry and cooking?
A: In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.

Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding:
"Do you know how fast you were going?" the police officer asks, incredulously.
"No," replies Heisenberg, "but I know exactly where I am!"

Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure??"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of drinks. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!!!"

Geologists do IT on the ground.
Astronomers do IT all night.
Chemists do IT by bonding.
Chemists also do IT on a table, periodically.
Newton did IT with force.
Eighteenth century physicists did IT with rigid bodies.
Maxwell did IT with magnetism.
Analytical Chemists do it with precision and accuracy.
Volta did IT with a jolt.
Watt did IT with power.
Joule did IT with energy.
Ohm did IT with resistance.
Pascal did IT under pressure.
Hooke did IT using springs.
Coulomb got all charged up about IT.
Hertz did IT frequently.
Boltzmann did IT in heat.
Ampere let IT flow.
For Franklin, IT was an electrifying experience.
Edison claims to have invented IT.
When Richter did IT, the Earth shook.
For Darwin, IT was natural.
Freud did IT in his sleep.
Mendel studied the consequences of IT.
When Wegener did IT, continents moved.
Classical physicists do IT in perfectly uniform harmonic motion.
Heisenberg was never sure whether he even did IT.
Bohr did IT in an excited state.
Pauli did IT but excluded his friends.
Schrödinger did IT in waves.
Bose did IT with partners.
Einstein did IT on a curved surface.
Oort did IT in a cloud.
Hubble did IT in the dark.
Watson and Crick got all wound up about IT.
Cosmologists do IT in a big bang.
Theorists do IT on paper.
Wigner did IT in a group.
Richter and Ting did IT with charm.
Astrophysicists do IT with young starlets.
Planetary scientists do IT with Uranus.
Electron microscopists do IT 100,000 times.
Feynman did IT in fields.
Hawking wrote a brief history of IT.
And super symmetric theorists do IT with sleptons.
Soil chemists do IT dirty.


My personal favourite?

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

AT THIS RATE, THINK WILL DIE SOON

AT THIS RATE, THINK WILL DIE SOON


A few hours ago, I and 2 others were doing some work in the office. We were cutting some papers when J handed us 6 bottles. "Ladies, these are for you. Thanks for helping. Really." He said.

I glanced at the bottles. A warm sensation of gratitude washed over me. I felt immensely touched, and was completely bowled over. Totally swept off my feet. How sweet and considerate! How kind! So gentlemanly! SO MAN! My heart gushed girlishly. Great timing! I'm getting thirsty!

Because we were busy, I decided to concentrate on the task on hand and satisfy the thirst later. We finished work a couple of hours later, and the 3 of us split the bottles among ourselves. 2 of the bottles are passionfruit, and the other 4 are grapefruit.

"I want a bottle of that passionfruit!" I chirped, "Passionfruit's nice! It's sweet. Grapefruit is too sour." Oh gosh, I can taste Passionfruit Bubble Tea in my mouth already! Ohohoh!!!


A friend, K, drove me down to Douby Ghaut MRT. Boarding the train and having found a seat, it was - clearly - THE perfect time to quench the thirst that's growing by the minute. I had a bottle of grapefruit and a bottle of passionfruit. Wonderful! I shall share this with the family. I'll drink the passionfruit, and save the grapefruit for them! How nice! Perfect!

I took out the bottle of passionfruit from my bag. Because it's a consumable product, I was a tad more mindful. Scanning the labels, I had the intention to confirm the place of manufacture. This bottle is made with 30% recycled plastic! IMPRESSIVE! I rotated the bottle more to the left. Make in UK, the label read. Sigh! I thought. This bottle has been to UK. ME? The furthest I've been to is KL! Oh, crap! I'm worse than a plastic bottle!

The viscosity of the contents happened to catch my eyes. Why does it look so thick? I thought. Maybe's it's syrup?

I opened the cap. Why does it look so weird? It's so unique! Do I suck from the opening? I brought it to my mouth. The aroma teased my nasal sensory receptors playfully. I was in cloud nine. It smells simply wonderful! It smells absolutely passionfruit! But do I really suck? Sure ah? So weird?! I thought. Maybe they just have it special in the UK lah, I decided, and firmly silenced the voice in my head. Different culture, you know? Don't play play!










The bottle opening was already resting on my lips. I was on the verge of tilting up my head and kicking my suckling reflex into gear. Maybe it's intuition; though I'd personally prefer to attribute it to the HS, but something just don't feel right. It wasn't a conscious decision, but before I knew it, my hand just somewhat automatically withdrew it from my mouth, and shifted the bottle to its front labeling.



















!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!



In that instant, I was truly - albeit momentarily - stunned. SHOWER GEL! AND ALL ALONG I was honestly under the strong impression that it's a beverage! I was caught nonplussed, and rendered speechless. My mind blanked out for a couple of seconds. For a moment, I don't know whether to crackle up in laughter, or to feel exasperated at the ingenuity in me.

Luckily I didn't drink right there and then back in the office. No doubt they'll either think it's a suicide attempt, or I'll be remembered fondly as the laughing sock of 2008. Oh! The disgrace!





I'm just so gong dai dai at times. Hope that this silly naivety and blur-ness will depart from me soon. If not, die liao also dunno why, I tell you!