SIGHTED


Daddy reported - this morning - the presence of a lizard which is, currently and unfortunately, temporarily residing under the same roof as us. A big, fat, full-grown, adult lizard, no less.

It was hiding under the fridge this morning. Now? I absolutely have not even the slightest idea where that sneaky and filthy creature has hidden himself/herself. !#@$#@%#^##$#@

A part of me secretly hopes and fantasizes that he/she has somehow stupidly found its way into the microwave. I won't hesitate burning you to death with micro-radiation, I TELL YOU!



This insecure feeling stemming from a lack of knowledge makes me feel so utterly vulnerable and precariously unprotected. If there's one thing I hate, it is having an enemy lurking sneakily somewhere out there in the open. I arrantly dread the thought of it seeking refuge in my bedroom, or hiding under my bed covers etc. I'll either get Petrified, or drop dead right there and then from an instantaneous myocardial infarction.
Thus, the door to my bedroom has been cleverly kept shut ever since this morning.


I have not opened the fridge for the whole of today. Not even once. And I'm not enjoying this one bit.



I DETEST LIZARDS.

Please die early.

PSYCHOTIC FELINE CANNONBALLS


I wonder, is it considered mentally sane and perfectly psychologically acceptable to get urges to give felines a hard kick whenever a person catches sight of one?

I was just mentioning it to De Quan a couple of weeks back after service on a particular Saturday night. And I was asking him whether does he feel the same way as I do. You know, the crazy urge and itching temptation to kick a cat - hard - from behind.
And the sweet guy mentioned vaguely something about pasting my pictures on the streets and sending a photo of me to the SPCA. How nice.

Now, to set the record straight, I generally DON'T dislike cats. More precisely put, it's the way they behave that somehow - strangely - never fails to trigger off something in me.

The way they lick their paws so sickeningly seductively. The way they snuggle up to the lamppost so disgustingly coyly. The way their eyes focus on you so eerily. And the way their sly meows sound so foxy and cunning.
Super teh, lah. In my opinion, it's worse than having a "stick-like-superglue" clingy girlfriend/boyfriend who perpetually and permanently latches onto you like a leech. Or like lianas coiling tightly around the trunk of trees. As if there is no tomorrow. As if the sun is going to explode in his/her face any moment. As if an enormous meteorite is hitting Earth soon.
Pesky. Disgusting. Corny. Too heavily dependent. And yes, frustrating and suffocating and irritating.

Not forgetting, what's so fun and interesting about a boring ball of yarn?
And I already think that having a bunch of 20-odd men running to and fro a big patch of grass and chasing after a useless ball is silly, hilarious, and irrational enough. Com'on!!! That ball is not even made of silver, much less gold!


Each time I catch sight of a cat - especially one that is either licking its paws or rolling around and stretching itself luxuriously out on the ground - my mind indulge in this crazy idea to sneak up behind it, deliver an unceremonious and merciless kick, and send it soaring gracefully through the air like a football. Really.

But of course, I've never carried out that act as of date. Because I'm not cruel. Because I'm very kind and benevolent and merciful and loving and gentle. And because there are people and witnesses around.

So, instead of putting my right foot down to practical use each time I see a cat, I would contend myself by allowing my hyper-imaginative brain cells imagine the cat soaring and zooming smoothly and comically through the air like a feline cannonball.

Guess I'm not taken to felines.


I very much prefer canines. And not just any dogs at that; but BIG and REAL ones. Middle-sized dogs are alright. But small dogs aren't really dogs, if you ask me.
They don't bark; they yelp pitifully.
They don't eat; they nibble slowly.
They don't lick you; they sniff you pathetically.
They don't leap or jump onto you; they hop miserably.
A real dog is one which is fat-pawed, big-eating, and totally capable of practically slurping you in the face. One which you can either saddle on, or wrestle with, or both.


Anyway, before I digress... ... ...
Does anyone else feel the same way as I do about felines?

LOST


There's going to be an appreciation dinner at Tanglin Club tonight. And I truly wonder where on earth is Stevens Road, and how on earth to get there.

How to find my way there, when I'm so hopelessly directionally-challenged 24/7; and when I walked around stupidly in Plaza Singapura on Friday afternoon - from the Basement all the way up till level 6 and to Basement again and up to L6 again Basement and L6 and down and up and down and up again and again and again (you get the idea) - in search of MacDonalds, only to realize (read: friend called my mobile phone) after a good half an hour later that it's located just right outside PS? (!!! !!! !!!)


Lidat how to get to the club in one whole nice nice complete piece, you tell me?

No hope ah, no hope.

LEAPING TERRORIST LIZARDS


I know that lizards don't leap (who in their right mind will insist they do?). But in my dream, they did.

In that disgusting, revolting dream of mine *shivers*, this particular lizard that's twice as disgusting and thrice as revolting is leaping from the left wall to the right wall, in a zig-zag manner. Left, right, left, right, left, right, zig, zag, zig, zag, zig, zag. With each approaching leap, I shrinked back in terror until I backed into a corner. Die! No where else to run, liao! So, I awaited my doomed fate in jaw-dropping, heart-thumping, legs-shaking, eyes-popping horror. Leaping Lizard took a last and final leap off the left wall, and flung itself gleefully in my direction. The last thing I remember before jolting out of my supposedly blissed sleep is the brown, scaly underside of Leaping Lizard looming towards my face.

I guess the lizard scare episode I had 3 days ago attributed to the leaping lizard dream this morning. On Thursday, I arrived at Xu Bin's place for Cell Group Meeting. Slipping out of my slipper, I stepped forward and reached for the doorknob with my right hand. To my shock and terror, nestled comfortably in the middle of the doorstep and only a few centimeters away from my pretty feet, is a disgusting LIZARD! Oh my gosh!!! The filth!!! I jumped a few metres into the air and hastily, scrambled to the top of the staircase; as far away from the filthy lizard as possible. This smart chick of a princess here (i.e. yours truly) then whipped out her mobile phone and called for SOS. Alvin Heng opened the door and, for a moment, casted me a what-on-earth-are-you-doing bewildered stare. I shrieked even more and yelled frantically, "Don't! Don't step down onto the doorstep!!!" Gosh, what if he frightens the damned lizard and send it scurrying towards my direction? The horror!!! I gestured for him to look down at the doorstep and, upon realizing the source of my ahem, distress, stooped down, picked up the brown, scaly filth, and flung it out of the corridor.
I don't feel sorry for the lizard at all. No kidding. Orbi-good ah!!!

I hate close shaves with lizards. I guess my biggest living nightmare, till today, is having to share a lift with an ADULT LIZARD. What the!!! What on earth is a lizard doing inside a lift anyway? How on earth did it even get there in the first place??!!

Another close, dreadful encounter I had was at Expo. Having just finished service, we adjourned down to the Food Court to fellowship. A few of us reached the eatery first and proceeded to find an empty table. After having managed to get a nice, long table, the next task was to find enough empty chairs.

"Si Lin, nah. I've found one." Kelvin Lim passed an empty chair over for me to arrange it around the table.
I reached out with both hands, and before I could grab its legs (luckily!!!), I caught something brown scurrying across the seat, and towards my direction.

I dodged sideway just in time, and the loathsome creature landed on the spot where I stood a mere moment ago.

Of course, the accompanying piercing and high-pitched yelp I let out earned me some attention. People in the vicinity turned around and looked, trying to locate the source of the commotion. I was thrown a dirty look from a woman sitting nearby, while a Brother seated at the table behind smiled to himself before ensuring me that he had seen the lizard escaping into the gutter.

How could Kelvin Lim throw a lizard at me???!!! So mean!!! *rages*
And, of course, I simply refused to sit anywhere near the chair which the lizard had occupied earlier.


Anyway, the reason why I overslept today must be due to the stupid Leaping Lizard. Was supposed to attend Sunday service as I could not go for yesterday's, but ended up being very late for it. I had 7 missed calls and 1 missed SMS on my mobile phone, mostly courtesy of Kelvin Lim. As a last resort, Xiao Wei called my home number.

"Si Lin? You just woke up ah?" She asked.
"Ya... Why? What time is it already?" I croaked groggily.
"It's 10am"
"Orh, okie." *yawns* "Then... What time is the service ah?" (pardon me. My brain was only beginning to start up.)
"10am loh."
"Orh... okie." *yawns somemore* "WHAT??? 10am, and now is already 10am??"
"Yes. Can you hurry wash up and make your way down?"

Oh man, she is so sweet and nice. I mean, if it's me, I'll berate the person upside-down, rage at him/her, and start my own preaching tirade about Time Management and Personal Responsibility.

Xiao Wei is such a nice person. Heeheehee!

Anyway, it's not entirely my fault that I overslept. Leaping Lizard shares half of the blame. Hummmph!

MY TUMMYACHE DAYS...


It's official. (!!!)

CM1101 Principles of Modern Chemistry ........................ 27/11/2006 (Mon), PM
CM1111 Basic Inorganic Chemistry .............................. 29/11/2006 (Wed), PM
MA1421 Basic Applied Mathematics for Sciences ............ 05/12/2006 (Tues), PM
PR1301 Complementary Medicine & Health ................... 25/11/2006 (Sat), AM
PH1101E Reason and Persuasion ................................. 04/12/2006 (Mon), AM
SSA2211 The Evolution of a Global City-State ............... 01/12/2006 (Fri), PM


Unless there is/are tutorial timeslot clash(es), resulting in me dropping 1 or more of the above-mentioned modules; these are the ones that I will be taking for Semester 1 and the examination dates are as stated above.

Was consolidating my schedule [horrors!!! We have to plan our own timetable on top of the exorbitant tuition fees!!!] when the examination dates caught my dainty and pretty eyes. Isn't it amazing how as one advances on in education, the academic terms seem to shrink and become shorter and shorter?

Can't believe that my first paper is slanted to be on the 27th of November, which is just a mere 3.5 months away.
*agapes*

It's back to a dismal lifestyle of nerdy mugging, I suppose.
Bleah!

And it'll be another 3.5 months before the oh-so-familiar "pre-examination syndromes" come visiting me again. A stomach of brick and lead, butterflies, stomache, nausea, diarrhoea, blahblahblah - you name it, I'll experience it a couple of hours before the commencement of each and every paper. Boohoohoo...

I don't like examination periods.
*sulks* *pouts*



*and bleah!!!*

TO: THE STUPID-EST CREATURES ON EARTH


I seriously don't like lizards.
I simply loath them with a fervent passion.
Ditto.

From the crown of its head right down to the ends of its tail, I simply can't bring myself to nurture a tiny, weeny bit of affection for the grotesque, miserable, and disgusting creatures. Apart from gobbering down pesky insects and blood-thirsty mosquitoes, trying to think of another good reason to justify their mere existence proves downright challenging. (No, leaving its footprints all over the walls of my house or dropping onto people's head when they lose their footing certainly do NOT constitute as good points).

Eat insects?
Frogs carry out the noble task too. And the best part is we are able to make Tian Ji Zhou (Frog legs congee, for those Han Yu Ping Yin-challenged) out of our croaky and tasty friends.

Lizard meat?
Please, for goodness sake. Spare me.
*pui*

And to my deepest disgust, 2 lizards have been sighted in the house for this week alone.
1 of them was enjoying the luxury of crawling all over the floor (The audacity!!! What does it think it is, competing with me for walking space!!??) until Mum spotted it. Frightened out of its wits, the bloke scurried for its dear life with its tail between its legs and found refuge in, of all places, MY ROOM!!

Sigh.

I had severe insomnia that very night.
=(

Thankfully, the same lizard was seen hiding behind the door of the master bedroom's the following morning. After successfully cajoling Dad into showing the offending lizard who's boss (Dad was about to leave for work), the ingenious me stepped, no, sorry, I meant climbed onto my brother's bed and sought safety there.

A couple of sprays of insecticides later, and with the help of a mighty broomstick, the dazzled lizard was flung out of the window from a height of 12 storey. And of course, pitiful as the poor lizard (tsk tsk tsk) may sound, it failed to score any sympathy points from me - the ardent anti-lizard advocate whose personal motto and modus operandi is, "All lizards are pathetic, and pathetic lizards deserve no pity.".

Kudos to super-hero Dads who yield broomsticks and insecticide cans!!!


The second lizard is, to date, still hiding and sneakily lurking around somewhere in my brother's room. Being the smart chick that I've always been (and, indubitably, still am), my bedroom door has been kept tightly closed since then.
I honestly hope that the lizard starves to death and rot in my brother's room.
*keeping my fingers crossed*


Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, or rather, one who encounters her nemesis.
Now you know I'm not exactly quite an angel, though I frequently declare otherwise at least once per day.
(=

SPARE THE ROD, TALK THE TALK...

And avoid raising up a brat.


That's right.This is THE way of parenting - not through absolute indulgence nor through violence & dominant ruling by the iron hand.
Not through manipulation but through love at its purest.

Someone once said that the greatest invention on Earth is the air-conditioner.
& I heartily agree with this statement.
Another famous statement of such is chocolate being the Earth's greatest discovery.
HAIL to that!!!

How about the worst invention on Earth?
The cane, in my opinion.

& how about the thing which I advocate most?
Skin the person who invented the worst invention on Earth, gouge out his/her eyes, burn all of his/her hair, rub his/her body with salt & spices & other condiments, then fry in boiling hot oil.
*****************************************************************

Violence under the disguise of so-called "discipline".
That's downright despicable & shameful.

Imagine a married man purchasing a claw hammer & telling the shopkeeper with the air of a long-suffering discipliarian, "Oh, between us men, you know how things are. We need to teach the womenfolk discipline from time to time least they get complacent, don't we?"

There would have been a massive brouhaha & public outcry!
The AWARE would interfere, the police & leading authorities would be called in, the PPO (Personal Protection Order) would be implemented, & the Dengue Fever mania would be kicked out of the headlines.
*****************************************************************

Let's us drift off no further. Back to the Earth's worst invention.
At times, I've wondered who is the idiot sicko of an inventor.
A real sadist, definitely.

How could anyone on Earth come up with such a device to inflict pain on another fellow being?

"I love my child. That's why I use the cane. I'm a parent too, don't you think i feel the pain in my heart?"
Yea, sure. You sure do love your child.
TWISTED LOVE, that is.


"Actions speak louder than words."
It's all bull.
Just search your heart & admit that you're a big bully who is too selfish to spend time & efforts on your young ones whom you so claim to love.


Yes, in case you're wondering (& I know that you are), I've have had my fair share of the cane in my younger days.
& no, it did not leave me deranged enough to loathe the cane so much.

It's more of the brutality & violence behind it that lead me to pen my two-cents worth.

It's the principle of "Actions speak louder than words. Using the cane is a more effective way of getting my message across."
I say you're just lazy.
Then don't be a parent.


Using the cane is just taking a short-cut in bringing up a child.
It's a mentality of, "I'm busy to do the talk, let my trustworthy cane do the communication instead."
See, twisted love.
Too busy? Then don't bother wasting your time concieving & giving birth.
Be merciful for once.

It's been said that a child's brain is like a bank.
You get back what you've put in years later, plus interest.

You know what I think?
A child's brain is more of a sponge, if you ask me.Good or bad, harmful or beneficial, they absorb everything & grow laden with weight.

Why bother bringing a life into this world only to add misery to it?

No one on Earth deserves substandard love.
I'd rather settle for none rather than having to compromise & accept love that's dysfunctional, incomplete, & of inferior standards.


Love requires much efforts.
People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving.
How can you claim to love your child if you can't even spare a bit of your time on him?
Don't bull.
& don't make me puke.

People always claim to "love" so-and-so, but have they paused for a brief moment & reflect on whether if they've done anything for them?
Talks are, afterall, empty.


Love without real communication is not love.
Simple as that.

& the best solution to problems is definitely communication, never violence.
Simple as that, too.
What then, do you think our throats & vocal cords are for?
Building a relationship calls for much efforts, maintaining one requires much more. How many relationships have you seen soar off awesome & graceful, only to crash & burn towards the end?

If you just want a punching bag to vent your anger on, channel it into fighting the war against the Aedes mosquitoes.
Or against another group of sadists - terrorists.

Pick on someone of your own size, instead of one who is just a young, ignorant, innocent, defenceless child. Don't ever inflict harm, be it mentally, psychologically, or even verbally, just because of your own lack of self-control.

& yes, anyone whom I catch practices the pathetic art of twisted love which i've been harping on in this blog entry would undoubtlessly earn a deep frown & a dirty look of obvious disdain from me blatantly.

Ditto.