JOLT
I didn't blog about this because I don't have a habit of blogging about personal matters, but Mum was warded into SGH A&E 2 months back in early December. She just had a medical review at National Heart Center a mere 2 days ago. She is due for yet another checkup on the 19th.
The day she was warded, it was just a normal Thursday morning. I was having breakfast with Dad when he said that Mum got warded. She had experienced severe pectoral angina (chest pain) while working, and the company doctor promptly called for an ambulance.
I thought it was nothing much. After all, she got to the hospital and received prompt medical attention. The fact that she was well enough to give Dad a call to inform him of the news is assuring. After breakfast, Dad drove us down to SGH. We reached at 10am+. It was there and then, upon arrival at the hospital, when we learned that she is in A&E; and in Intensive Care at that. For reasons unknown, we were denied entry and thus, did not even catch a glimpse of her.
We waited at the common waiting area. Time ticked by, and the hours passed. As the hours crawl by, the firm conviction and easy assurance ebbed away bit by bit. I had not expected any of these. The long wait. Being denied entry. And being checked into not a normal ward, but A&E. Why is taking so long? Why not a normal ward? What are the medical practitioners tending to? Is it serious? If it isn't, why is it taking so long?
We were finally allowed to see her at near 5pm. She was on a drip, looking weak and tired. A medical personnel was manning one of the many machines engulfing her, scruntinizing an ECG graph. As he's an Indian, Dad has trouble understanding his accent. I took over the conversation - while Dad turns his attention to Mum - and learned that she has to be warded for another 8hours for further observation.
We went home at about 5pm. After a quick dinner, I grabbed my guitar and headed down to Riverwalk for PM for Sentosa outreach. Straight after PM, we had our guitar session. Halfway through the lesson, Dad called and said that Mum might get discharged at midnight. The guitar lesson ended at 10.30pm+. I loitered around Clarke Quay for a while before heading down to Outram Park.
I reached Outram Park and followed the signage directing to the hospital. I rode up the escalator, and walked, and walked. Soon, I found myself in the middle of nowhere. Scanning the dark surroundings, I wondered momentarily whether am I going in the right direction. The knowledge that the Center for Forensic Medicine is somewhere near the vincinity is slightly unnerving.
My shoulder was starting to hurt; and the load of the guitar felt increasingly heavier. It was already minutes shy of midnight. This hospitalization, all of these, was happening at totally the wrong time, the wrong season. It was just adding on to all that has been increasingly piling up. The co-ord. The refusal of stripping. The personal problems. The doubt. The discouragement. Stranded in the middle of nowhere, not knowing even where exactly am I, and armed with just the guitar by the side; there was this heavy, weird feeling of being alone, orphaned. Slowing down the pace, a part of me wanted to squat down right there and then and cry and call for SOS. It would be nice to be weak, to cry, and have some concern, and lap up a bit of good old fussing once in a while. The idea of having someone cabbing down in my time of need at my request to somewhere this deserted in the dead of the night, and to collect and accompany me on this trip, was so temptingly comfortable.
Maybe it's pride or stubborn-ness or the fighting spirit at work, but the feeling of conceding and bowing down to defeat this easily is disappointing. It may sound foolish, but at that point of time, it's seemed to be a classic moment of either you break, or you don't.
Ignoring whatever feelings, I ventured on forward; not knowing even if it's the right direction or if it's the right thing to do. What if I get kidnapped? What if I meet some pervert? Before long, I came to this deserted carpark. An empty carpark in the dead of the night is so mightily and unbelieveably freaky. I walked on further, and from a distance away, finally saw Block 1 of SGH. It felt like spotting a mirage in a desert.
The ground level of the hospital building was so frighteningly isolated. Except for a couple of late visitors, there were barely anyone else around. The only sounds were that of my wedges "click-clock-ing" against the floor tiles. The shops, the pharmacies, the stores were all closed for the night. The clear reflections reflecting off the glass of the shops on both my left and right were so eerie.
I relieved my long-suffering shoulder of the guitar shoulder strap, and carried it by hand instead. It was getting increasingly heavy as the minute passes. I chose not to listen to the iPod, preferring to have my 5 senses on the alert. Don't turn and look even if you hear anything weird. Just walk. Don't get distracted by the reflections. Don't look. Just walk. Smile, be easy, just walk. If someone taps you on the shoulder from behind, just run. If something floats pass in front of you, just run. In the opposite direction. As fast as your legs can carry you. Don't dump your guitar while you make your fanatic getaway. You'll have to go back for it later. Hold it tight; hold it well. Be cool and calm and don't think too much and just continue to walk.
I reached Block 4 safely, in one piece. Taking the lift, I got to the A&E level. It was like entering a different world. Unlike the ground floor, it was full of people, bustling with activity. I made an enquiry at the counter, and got the updated ward details.
Found and located my mother easily. She was awake, but still on the drip. Now that it's just only the 2 of us alone, the reality of everything seemed to punch me in the face. It seemed so surreal. The IV drip. The medical equipments. The heart monitor. The pulse rate. The BP readings. The atmosphere and environment. The people in lab coat. The bitter smell of medicine. The hospital bed. The woman lying on it. My eyes followed the fluctuating line on the heart monitor as it moves along. I listened to the accompanying beeping. I read the BP readings and pulse rate. I looked at the steady flow of droplets in the IV fluid bag. I felt the cool air of the air-conditioner. I breathed in deeply, and deliberately etched into memory this moment. Instead of a million things flashing by the mind as how it's usually and typically depicted on TV shows, my mind was clear instead. Crystal clear. With the exception of a couple of things, my mind was totally blank. Nothing matters, anymore. At least, at this point of time.
The nurse came, and drew the curtains for some privacy. I was left on my own again. I wrapped my right fist around the neck of the guitar; happy to feel something of strength. The small piece of wood feels so solid; it gives a sense of assuring stability, bringing with it a pull back to reality.
Minutes later, the nurse drew back the curtains. My mum was now off the drip and ready to be discharged.
We cabbed home later that night, and I came home - hopefully, subtly - a somewhat different person.
Sunday, 8 February 2009
UNFAMILIARIZED
UNFAMILIARIZED
Loaned and collected a laptop from campus on Thursday. My personal laptop is a Fijitsu. It has been with me since the commencement of my undergraduate studies back in 2006. So, yep, this is it's 3rd year and counting. The Fujitsu has been serving me wonderfully and fabulously. It has never caused any problems; except for the initial problem with the motherboard. Of course, it was a technical glitch, and the staffs at the ITCenter promptly replaced it with a new one. Other than this, my Fujitsu is - and always has been - a loyal, faithful, and reliable aide. My good, old sidekick.
But since campus is loaning out laptops, I figured that I might as well take up the offer. All that I have to pay for is the insurance, at $38.50. That's it. So, yep, this HP Elitebook is my slave for the next 365 days! And there are quite cool programmes like Cmap, HotPotatoes, SoftChalk, Quandary2 and etc. Oh!
Another problem now is getting use to Windows Vista. Oh yea, and Microsoft Word 07; instead of the Microsoft Word XP which I am so used to. I'm pretty much still a Windows XP kid. AH!
Loaned and collected a laptop from campus on Thursday. My personal laptop is a Fijitsu. It has been with me since the commencement of my undergraduate studies back in 2006. So, yep, this is it's 3rd year and counting. The Fujitsu has been serving me wonderfully and fabulously. It has never caused any problems; except for the initial problem with the motherboard. Of course, it was a technical glitch, and the staffs at the ITCenter promptly replaced it with a new one. Other than this, my Fujitsu is - and always has been - a loyal, faithful, and reliable aide. My good, old sidekick.
But since campus is loaning out laptops, I figured that I might as well take up the offer. All that I have to pay for is the insurance, at $38.50. That's it. So, yep, this HP Elitebook is my slave for the next 365 days! And there are quite cool programmes like Cmap, HotPotatoes, SoftChalk, Quandary2 and etc. Oh!
Another problem now is getting use to Windows Vista. Oh yea, and Microsoft Word 07; instead of the Microsoft Word XP which I am so used to. I'm pretty much still a Windows XP kid. AH!
Friday, 6 February 2009
DATING A CHEMISTRY MAJOR
DATING A CHEMISTRY MAJOR
Again, got this piece of precious gem from Facebook!
10 reasons to date a Chemistry major:
10) We know how to handle HOT items.
9) We know how to make reactions go.
8) We have all the right elements, and we know all the right conditions.
7) We can handle chain reactions, with multiple stages.
6) We use a "periodic" table.
5) We like Anal. Chemistry.
4) We know all about heat / fluid transfer.
3) We stay up all night.
2) We have significant figures.
1) We are always willing to experiment.
Again, got this piece of precious gem from Facebook!
10 reasons to date a Chemistry major:
10) We know how to handle HOT items.
9) We know how to make reactions go.
8) We have all the right elements, and we know all the right conditions.
7) We can handle chain reactions, with multiple stages.
6) We use a "periodic" table.
5) We like Anal. Chemistry.
4) We know all about heat / fluid transfer.
3) We stay up all night.
2) We have significant figures.
1) We are always willing to experiment.
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
PHYSICAL BOUNDARY
PHYSICAL BOUNDARY
Babies can get away with almost anything. Did something bad? Just look cute; and there you go! Melt all the hearts out there!
Perhaps, one of the many differences between a child and a grown-up is that the latter is bounded by a lot more rules and regulations. Perhaps, this is the result of having the never-ending list of "dos and don'ts" reiterated once too many during the growing-up years. Don't touch the remote controls. Keep your hands away from the electrical switch. Don't scream and yell, or the bogeyman will get you later at night. Continuing crying, and you won't look as pretty or handsome. Keep your hands off that spoon, don't make a mess of your dinner. Don't pull up your shirt, shame shame.
It's not something bad, really. It teaches a child what are the forbiddens, what are the inappropriates, and what are the discouraged.
Grace, like all babies, has this habit of sitting on someone else's laps. She'll walk up, lock her eyes on the target, turn 180degrees around, take a good estimated aim, (sometimes turning around again to double-confirm), and plonk! down on the groove of my laps. That's it. Randomly. No questions asked. No outrage of modesty. No infrigement of physical boundary. As if she rightfully owns that pair of laps. As if my laps belong to her. As if my laps have her name stamped neatly across it.
At times, I wonder how would my response be if the person in mention here is not Grace or some cute lil ones, but an adult. Probably I'll deliver a good No Shadow Kick. Secondly, I also cannot imagine an adult sitting on a lady's laps without even so much as to ask for permission (of course, bfs and gfs exluding). Babies, fortunately, are often cute enough to pull it off. Thank goodness.
Of course, I have no complains. In fact, I love it whenever she does that. It really strokes the ego, you know? Oh my, she wants me! It always never fail to give a funny, bubbling, warm, fizzy feeling inside. Like warm carbonated drinks.
Maybe I should just enjoy and lap it up as much as I possibly could, before she gets inculcated and poisoned by the rules and regulations. It'll just kill everything off. I cannot imagine her asking, "Jie Jie, can I sit on your laps?". It is just too mechanic and non-spontaneous. On the other hand though, I have this gut feeling that by the time she's able to construct such complete sentences, she won't care much for this old pair of laps.
Babies can get away with almost anything. Did something bad? Just look cute; and there you go! Melt all the hearts out there!
Perhaps, one of the many differences between a child and a grown-up is that the latter is bounded by a lot more rules and regulations. Perhaps, this is the result of having the never-ending list of "dos and don'ts" reiterated once too many during the growing-up years. Don't touch the remote controls. Keep your hands away from the electrical switch. Don't scream and yell, or the bogeyman will get you later at night. Continuing crying, and you won't look as pretty or handsome. Keep your hands off that spoon, don't make a mess of your dinner. Don't pull up your shirt, shame shame.
It's not something bad, really. It teaches a child what are the forbiddens, what are the inappropriates, and what are the discouraged.
Grace, like all babies, has this habit of sitting on someone else's laps. She'll walk up, lock her eyes on the target, turn 180degrees around, take a good estimated aim, (sometimes turning around again to double-confirm), and plonk! down on the groove of my laps. That's it. Randomly. No questions asked. No outrage of modesty. No infrigement of physical boundary. As if she rightfully owns that pair of laps. As if my laps belong to her. As if my laps have her name stamped neatly across it.
At times, I wonder how would my response be if the person in mention here is not Grace or some cute lil ones, but an adult. Probably I'll deliver a good No Shadow Kick. Secondly, I also cannot imagine an adult sitting on a lady's laps without even so much as to ask for permission (of course, bfs and gfs exluding). Babies, fortunately, are often cute enough to pull it off. Thank goodness.
Of course, I have no complains. In fact, I love it whenever she does that. It really strokes the ego, you know? Oh my, she wants me! It always never fail to give a funny, bubbling, warm, fizzy feeling inside. Like warm carbonated drinks.
Maybe I should just enjoy and lap it up as much as I possibly could, before she gets inculcated and poisoned by the rules and regulations. It'll just kill everything off. I cannot imagine her asking, "Jie Jie, can I sit on your laps?". It is just too mechanic and non-spontaneous. On the other hand though, I have this gut feeling that by the time she's able to construct such complete sentences, she won't care much for this old pair of laps.
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
YOUR SONG
YOUR SONG
I am not totally immuned; but if we choose to, it's so easy to look for a thousand and one ways to focus on the wrong things.
But rather than mopping, or dwelling, or feeling sorry and miserable, why not just lift ourselves up, or do something constructive about the situation - if it is within our means? Even if it isn't, should we be bogged down by it and live our lives by what the circumstances dictate?
The battle is sometimes not just in the people or circumstances around us, but also within ourselves, our mind, our attitude, our maturity, our character.
It's one thing to be occasionally affected by the surrounding circumstances; it's only natural. It is, however, absolutely another to be controlled and overwhelmed by them.
The circumstances may not be nice or pleasant, but it does not necessarily mean that your life has to be so as well. It's YOU who decides. It's all that you CHOOSE to make it out to be.
If we're down at the bottom of a valley, going up is the only way. Knowing that there is no other way out, when we're in the craps, why not just recognize it for what it is and get it over and done with? Is it doing any good for anything or anybody by mopping and dwelling and feeling miserable and sorry?
Rather than wasting time, recognize that rising beyond the circumstances is the solution. Get it over and done with. Get out of the rut.
Indeed,
My life, Your song.
I want it to be a beautiful piece of music.
I am not totally immuned; but if we choose to, it's so easy to look for a thousand and one ways to focus on the wrong things.
But rather than mopping, or dwelling, or feeling sorry and miserable, why not just lift ourselves up, or do something constructive about the situation - if it is within our means? Even if it isn't, should we be bogged down by it and live our lives by what the circumstances dictate?
The battle is sometimes not just in the people or circumstances around us, but also within ourselves, our mind, our attitude, our maturity, our character.
It's one thing to be occasionally affected by the surrounding circumstances; it's only natural. It is, however, absolutely another to be controlled and overwhelmed by them.
The circumstances may not be nice or pleasant, but it does not necessarily mean that your life has to be so as well. It's YOU who decides. It's all that you CHOOSE to make it out to be.
If we're down at the bottom of a valley, going up is the only way. Knowing that there is no other way out, when we're in the craps, why not just recognize it for what it is and get it over and done with? Is it doing any good for anything or anybody by mopping and dwelling and feeling miserable and sorry?
Rather than wasting time, recognize that rising beyond the circumstances is the solution. Get it over and done with. Get out of the rut.
Indeed,
My life, Your song.
I want it to be a beautiful piece of music.
Monday, 2 February 2009
Escherichia Coli
ESCHERICHIA COLI
Suspect the E. Coli in my guts is a tad too active of late. Barely a week of slight solidification, it's back again to semi-liquid squirts. The weird thing is, the stomach is not aching; so I guess it rules out consumption of contaminated food. On a bright note, maybe I should try drinking Yakult Lactobacillus to restore the guts flora balance. Woot!
It's been a couple of weeks since the last hard and long and solid one. Errrm... Miss the feeling.
I'm currently quite addicted to this song, Nobody by Wondergirls. Oh, crap! I keep hearing it in my head! Save me!
Suspect the E. Coli in my guts is a tad too active of late. Barely a week of slight solidification, it's back again to semi-liquid squirts. The weird thing is, the stomach is not aching; so I guess it rules out consumption of contaminated food. On a bright note, maybe I should try drinking Yakult Lactobacillus to restore the guts flora balance. Woot!
It's been a couple of weeks since the last hard and long and solid one. Errrm... Miss the feeling.
I'm currently quite addicted to this song, Nobody by Wondergirls. Oh, crap! I keep hearing it in my head! Save me!
SHRINKING JEANS
SHRINKING JEANS
Finally wore a pair of newly-bought jeans for the first time a couple of days ago.
That jeans was bought 3weeks ago. It used to be a nice, tight fit. It is kind of upsetting, because over the past 3weeks, it seems to have expanded quite significantly. It used to be a nice fit, really. Fastening the button, the waistband fits just perfectly - tight, but not too tight. The length of the jeans was perfectly fine too - to my delight - because it means no alteration is needed. While in the fitting room, I bended and squatted and tried "walking" a little; and everything was nice. It feels like a nice little second skin, but yet, not as tight as a ba zhang (rice dumpling).
After undergoing a round of washing, it seemed to have expanded; so much so that I can now slot both my hands under the waistband. This is irritating because, each time I sit down or squat down, I've to be mindful and conscious of the back.
Maybe something went wrong with the washing process. But then, how could it be? The instructions were followed carefully. I turned the jeans inside out before throwing it into the washing machine; and yes, it's machine-washable. It was washed in cold/normal water, as instructed. And it was also able to be tumbled dry too.
Arghhh... This is upsetting. I'm thinking of attempting to shrink it by using hot water. But then again, another website says that this is not really advisable because the jeans might shrink unevenly; and having it professionally altered might be a better option instead. So now, I'm caught in a catch-22. Shrink in hot water and risk shrinking unevenly? Or go to a tailor? But then, I've never been to one before, and don't know of any good ones.
Sad. This pair of jeans is branded. It's the most I've forked out for a single pair of jeans thus far.
Finally wore a pair of newly-bought jeans for the first time a couple of days ago.
That jeans was bought 3weeks ago. It used to be a nice, tight fit. It is kind of upsetting, because over the past 3weeks, it seems to have expanded quite significantly. It used to be a nice fit, really. Fastening the button, the waistband fits just perfectly - tight, but not too tight. The length of the jeans was perfectly fine too - to my delight - because it means no alteration is needed. While in the fitting room, I bended and squatted and tried "walking" a little; and everything was nice. It feels like a nice little second skin, but yet, not as tight as a ba zhang (rice dumpling).
After undergoing a round of washing, it seemed to have expanded; so much so that I can now slot both my hands under the waistband. This is irritating because, each time I sit down or squat down, I've to be mindful and conscious of the back.
Maybe something went wrong with the washing process. But then, how could it be? The instructions were followed carefully. I turned the jeans inside out before throwing it into the washing machine; and yes, it's machine-washable. It was washed in cold/normal water, as instructed. And it was also able to be tumbled dry too.
Arghhh... This is upsetting. I'm thinking of attempting to shrink it by using hot water. But then again, another website says that this is not really advisable because the jeans might shrink unevenly; and having it professionally altered might be a better option instead. So now, I'm caught in a catch-22. Shrink in hot water and risk shrinking unevenly? Or go to a tailor? But then, I've never been to one before, and don't know of any good ones.
Sad. This pair of jeans is branded. It's the most I've forked out for a single pair of jeans thus far.
Sunday, 1 February 2009
CORNY SCIENCE
CORNY SCIENCE
Got this gem from Facebook!
What does a chemist do when he sees a fire?
He calculates the heat of reaction and synthesizes a suitably endothermic reaction to put it out.
Two protons walk into a bar talking about a mutual friend.
Proton: Did you hear Electron 7 got thrown into another orbital and wasn't happy about it?
Proton 2: Yea, well. He's always been negative that way.
The Physicist, upon seeing all the waves, gets very excited and runs into the water, disappearing.
The Marine Biologist, aware of tremendous variety of marine life in the ocean, also gets very excited, and runs into the water, disappearing.
The Chemist pulls out her notebook, and writes "The Physicist and the Marine Biologist are soluble in water"
Q: While walking into a lab, how does one know which lab is it?
A: If it's green and wabbles - it's a biology lab.
If it stinks - it's a chemistry lab
And if it doesn't work - it's a physics lab...
Q: What happened to the molecular biologist who swallowed a beaker full of restriction endonucleases?
A: He came to a sticky end
Chemistry is killing me: anytime I do a Diels-Alder reaction, I think I'm diene.
Q: What did one lab rat say to the other?
A: "I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack."
Did you hear about the biologist who had twins? She baptized one and kept the other as a control!
Hydrogen is such a whore, it'll bond to anything!
Helium is such a prude.
Scientist: "For my next experiment I intend to prove that neutrons have mass."
Non-scientist: "Neutrons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic"
A small furry animal walks into a bar, orders a drink. Bartender looks at him, says "Sorry, the occupancy is 6.03 x 10^23. We cannot serve a mole."
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.
Two gases are talking to each other and they see another gas walk by. . .
gas 1: Man, that is the IDEAL gas!
gas 2: Eww, you pvnrt!
Q: Why does e^x hate going to parties?
A: Because no matter how hard he tries, he always fails to integrate
I wish I was Adenine so I can be paired with U! (Doro, bet you're able to get this joke!)
At NIH (National Institute of Health), there is a sign on the door of a microbiology lab that reads "STAPH ONLY!"
Do you have mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602-1023.
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase...that way I could unzip your genes. (Doro! Haha.)
So I was talking to Heisenberg the other day and I asked him, "How’s it going?" and he said, "Not so good..."
I asked "Why not so good?" and he said "Well… It's the ladies.. I just can’t get any!"
I said "Why not? I mean you'd think the ladies would be swarming you with international fame and all."
His reply was "Well, they are, they are... It's just when I've got the time I haven't got the energy and when I've got the energy I haven’t got the time...."
Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.
A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! My flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the ice. The Bunsen burner replied: "It's just a phase you're going through".
Q: What's the difference between Chemistry and cooking?
A: In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.
Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding:
"Do you know how fast you were going?" the police officer asks, incredulously.
"No," replies Heisenberg, "but I know exactly where I am!"
Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure??"
"Yes, I'm positive!"
A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of drinks. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!!!"
Geologists do IT on the ground.
Astronomers do IT all night.
Chemists do IT by bonding.
Chemists also do IT on a table, periodically.
Newton did IT with force.
Eighteenth century physicists did IT with rigid bodies.
Maxwell did IT with magnetism.
Analytical Chemists do it with precision and accuracy.
Volta did IT with a jolt.
Watt did IT with power.
Joule did IT with energy.
Ohm did IT with resistance.
Pascal did IT under pressure.
Hooke did IT using springs.
Coulomb got all charged up about IT.
Hertz did IT frequently.
Boltzmann did IT in heat.
Ampere let IT flow.
For Franklin, IT was an electrifying experience.
Edison claims to have invented IT.
When Richter did IT, the Earth shook.
For Darwin, IT was natural.
Freud did IT in his sleep.
Mendel studied the consequences of IT.
When Wegener did IT, continents moved.
Classical physicists do IT in perfectly uniform harmonic motion.
Heisenberg was never sure whether he even did IT.
Bohr did IT in an excited state.
Pauli did IT but excluded his friends.
Schrödinger did IT in waves.
Bose did IT with partners.
Einstein did IT on a curved surface.
Oort did IT in a cloud.
Hubble did IT in the dark.
Watson and Crick got all wound up about IT.
Cosmologists do IT in a big bang.
Theorists do IT on paper.
Wigner did IT in a group.
Richter and Ting did IT with charm.
Astrophysicists do IT with young starlets.
Planetary scientists do IT with Uranus.
Electron microscopists do IT 100,000 times.
Feynman did IT in fields.
Hawking wrote a brief history of IT.
And super symmetric theorists do IT with sleptons.
Soil chemists do IT dirty.
My personal favourite?
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
Got this gem from Facebook!
What does a chemist do when he sees a fire?
He calculates the heat of reaction and synthesizes a suitably endothermic reaction to put it out.
Two protons walk into a bar talking about a mutual friend.
Proton: Did you hear Electron 7 got thrown into another orbital and wasn't happy about it?
Proton 2: Yea, well. He's always been negative that way.
The Physicist, upon seeing all the waves, gets very excited and runs into the water, disappearing.
The Marine Biologist, aware of tremendous variety of marine life in the ocean, also gets very excited, and runs into the water, disappearing.
The Chemist pulls out her notebook, and writes "The Physicist and the Marine Biologist are soluble in water"
Q: While walking into a lab, how does one know which lab is it?
A: If it's green and wabbles - it's a biology lab.
If it stinks - it's a chemistry lab
And if it doesn't work - it's a physics lab...
Q: What happened to the molecular biologist who swallowed a beaker full of restriction endonucleases?
A: He came to a sticky end
Chemistry is killing me: anytime I do a Diels-Alder reaction, I think I'm diene.
Q: What did one lab rat say to the other?
A: "I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack."
Did you hear about the biologist who had twins? She baptized one and kept the other as a control!
Hydrogen is such a whore, it'll bond to anything!
Helium is such a prude.
Scientist: "For my next experiment I intend to prove that neutrons have mass."
Non-scientist: "Neutrons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic"
A small furry animal walks into a bar, orders a drink. Bartender looks at him, says "Sorry, the occupancy is 6.03 x 10^23. We cannot serve a mole."
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.
Two gases are talking to each other and they see another gas walk by. . .
gas 1: Man, that is the IDEAL gas!
gas 2: Eww, you pvnrt!
Q: Why does e^x hate going to parties?
A: Because no matter how hard he tries, he always fails to integrate
I wish I was Adenine so I can be paired with U! (Doro, bet you're able to get this joke!)
At NIH (National Institute of Health), there is a sign on the door of a microbiology lab that reads "STAPH ONLY!"
Do you have mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602-1023.
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase...that way I could unzip your genes. (Doro! Haha.)
So I was talking to Heisenberg the other day and I asked him, "How’s it going?" and he said, "Not so good..."
I asked "Why not so good?" and he said "Well… It's the ladies.. I just can’t get any!"
I said "Why not? I mean you'd think the ladies would be swarming you with international fame and all."
His reply was "Well, they are, they are... It's just when I've got the time I haven't got the energy and when I've got the energy I haven’t got the time...."
Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.
A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! My flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the ice. The Bunsen burner replied: "It's just a phase you're going through".
Q: What's the difference between Chemistry and cooking?
A: In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.
Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding:
"Do you know how fast you were going?" the police officer asks, incredulously.
"No," replies Heisenberg, "but I know exactly where I am!"
Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure??"
"Yes, I'm positive!"
A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of drinks. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!!!"
Geologists do IT on the ground.
Astronomers do IT all night.
Chemists do IT by bonding.
Chemists also do IT on a table, periodically.
Newton did IT with force.
Eighteenth century physicists did IT with rigid bodies.
Maxwell did IT with magnetism.
Analytical Chemists do it with precision and accuracy.
Volta did IT with a jolt.
Watt did IT with power.
Joule did IT with energy.
Ohm did IT with resistance.
Pascal did IT under pressure.
Hooke did IT using springs.
Coulomb got all charged up about IT.
Hertz did IT frequently.
Boltzmann did IT in heat.
Ampere let IT flow.
For Franklin, IT was an electrifying experience.
Edison claims to have invented IT.
When Richter did IT, the Earth shook.
For Darwin, IT was natural.
Freud did IT in his sleep.
Mendel studied the consequences of IT.
When Wegener did IT, continents moved.
Classical physicists do IT in perfectly uniform harmonic motion.
Heisenberg was never sure whether he even did IT.
Bohr did IT in an excited state.
Pauli did IT but excluded his friends.
Schrödinger did IT in waves.
Bose did IT with partners.
Einstein did IT on a curved surface.
Oort did IT in a cloud.
Hubble did IT in the dark.
Watson and Crick got all wound up about IT.
Cosmologists do IT in a big bang.
Theorists do IT on paper.
Wigner did IT in a group.
Richter and Ting did IT with charm.
Astrophysicists do IT with young starlets.
Planetary scientists do IT with Uranus.
Electron microscopists do IT 100,000 times.
Feynman did IT in fields.
Hawking wrote a brief history of IT.
And super symmetric theorists do IT with sleptons.
Soil chemists do IT dirty.
My personal favourite?
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
JI-KO-PA!!! BANE OF MY LIFE
JI-KO-PA!!! BANE OF MY LIFE
On Friday night, TR and I battled it out valiantly; and I suffered a brave, mighty, crushing defeat. Lost 8 times consecutively in a row. He stopped at the 8th round - not having the heart to bear winning against me for yet another time. Was then egged on to try playing against both PH and Doro instead - both of whom triumphed just as gloriously. That makes it a perfect 10 out of 10; all within an hour.
Yesterday afternoon, while queuing up to enter the hall, I played against both PH and Doro again. Fought earnestly with all my might, strength, heart, mind, and soul. The results?
No prize for guessing the right answer.
The reigning, unparallel, undisputable expert champion queen. I've discovered my hidden talent. Don't play play.
On Friday night, TR and I battled it out valiantly; and I suffered a brave, mighty, crushing defeat. Lost 8 times consecutively in a row. He stopped at the 8th round - not having the heart to bear winning against me for yet another time. Was then egged on to try playing against both PH and Doro instead - both of whom triumphed just as gloriously. That makes it a perfect 10 out of 10; all within an hour.
Yesterday afternoon, while queuing up to enter the hall, I played against both PH and Doro again. Fought earnestly with all my might, strength, heart, mind, and soul. The results?
No prize for guessing the right answer.
The reigning, unparallel, undisputable expert champion queen. I've discovered my hidden talent. Don't play play.
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