DOG!!!

Just the other day, I was hugging Tofu. Bringing his face close to mine, side by side, I popped THE question to Dad.

"Dad!!! Do we look alike? 我们像吗？ Cute???"

He replied, cool as cucumber, "Yeah, of course! Very alike. YOU LOOK LIKE A DOG!"






SIGH!




Dads ARE evil, didn't I already say so?

HANDLING

Have not been blogging regularly since September last year. There's only one or two sporadic posts each in the month of October 2010 and March 2011. Regular stream of post entries - with conscious efforts - started picking up in June this year, right before I went on a 2-weeks holiday.


After a nearly 9-months of neglect, lesser visitors and friends pop by here nowadays. Maybe it's a good thing. I feel like talking today.


I was thinking is it a good idea to post about this. But one train of thought came to me : What is the use of this blog if I can't even be honest to myself? What is the purpose of this blog, if all it does is to chronicle all the good and happy things which I choose to portray out but keep the rest of the darker ones hidden? This blog will then be nothing more but just a polished publication which has been glossed over. Something superficial, fake.


I've always drawn a line between what is public and what is personal. For one, I try to keep my work life and family life away from publication, which is open for all to see. In the midst of this circumscribing process, I try to strike a balance as well. Being extreme is never good. Balance is the key to life.






Anne Frank puts it so nicely. Sometimes, I find that her sentiments uncannily echo mine - just like a faint little doppelganger. She said something along the line of, "Whatever good there is that I can find here, I love and appreciate them. I look for the good and overlook whatever that is bad. For other areas which are lacking, I find them elsewhere and, when found, learn from wherever it is found."




We love with our heart. Love IS perfect, but love doesn't MAKE things perfect. Anyway, whoever said that life is perfect? When things are not going well, it's when it is time to talk things over and work things out - as mature adults. I guess that's why so many relationships fail. They thought that the love is gone, or has silently ebbed away. But it is just a flimsy, lousy excuse. We can always grow to like - or love - someone. It CAN be nurtured. Love is more than mere feelings; it's an action as well. It's not that love died; rather, we just failed to work at keeping it alive.


Relations are dead. Humans are alive. WE are what makes relationships alive; and never the other way round.






I love them, and all, with all my heart. And when cracks surface and nothing can be done about it, it hurts. Not as much as before, but still.




Answer these questions:
How - tell me, how - do you tell an elder that it's not proper to behave in this-and-that way? That it's not worth throwing a fit over something so silly, so trivial? That what you're losing now is much more severe than what could have been gained?


You can't.




How - tell me also, how - do you react to a younger charge venting emotions publicly? That it's not proper? With the modern definition of freedom of speech, what is proper and what is not, anymore? How do I say nicely, "Strike a balance."? And is it right for me to clamp my feet down, when I myself had been guilty of exactly that before, when I was much younger and rasher? Most importantly, what kind of a message would I be conveying? Don't display your honest emotions? Say what is politically-correct? Don't be true to yourself?


Life is a learning curve; a personalized journey for each individual. Some things are meant to be explored and discovered by the traveler himself in due course, and never super-imposed by someone else. Everyone is unique; one size doesn't - and shouldn't - fit all.






And so, here I am. Sitting here and wondering why do I think so much. And what's worse is that I'm thinking over things which I have - or choose to have - no control over. Jia Sian, and many others, mentioned - at one point or other - that I'm a little too simple. I don't know if it's a blessing or a bane; but I (still) choose to believe in this : life is best when it's simple. Why bother to make things over-complicated?


But, sometimes, I think it's a bane.


At work, the portrayal to give is to be someone who is decisive, politically-correct, everything nice, and as well as a role model. But, honestly, we are all human too. And when I get stumped by questions as silly as this nature - but which there is, ironically, no simple answers to - I feel helpless; confused.
24, going on to 25, and I still feel I need all the wisdom and guidance I can get.






And, nah, I'm not emo-ing.


TTFN!

PARENTS AND WORRY

One universal thing about ALL parents is : they worry. Sometimes, unnecessarily incessantly.




I really like the hostel alot. It's evident that a lot of thoughts have gone into the designing of it; even in the little things. The hairdryer. The bed lamp. The mirror. The comfortable beds and bedsheets. And yet another recommendable things about the wonderful hostel is that there is free outgoing international calls (thanks to Skype phone!).


Out of the 15d14n, I called home ~60 - 70% of the time. Apart from the usual Asian greetings (你吃饱了吗？ Have you ate yet? What did you eat? Where did you go yesterday? Where did you go today? Where are you going tomorrow? Did you enjoy yourself?) which is totally fine by me, the conversation would somehow - without fail - wind up in the parents repeating the same old things; just like a broken recorder. Sleep early. Don't sleep too late. Take care of your money. Take care of your wallet. Don't lose your passport. Don't lose your cash. Don't lose your credit cards. Don't lose your camera. Don't lose anything valuable. Keep your lockers locked because you're sharing rooms with others. Eat more. Eat proper meals. Take care of yourself.


Of course, I replied to each of their (heavily-repeated) well-meaning nags affirmatively and reassuringly, sometimes even nodding occasionally - because I conveniently forgot that it's a phone conversation. And whenever they remind me of eating proper meals, it feels so ironic.


Truth be told, I realise I eat more nutritiously and healthily overseas than I do back home. Usually, back in the home country, I would skip breakfast in favour of more sleep (or, at best, have a slice of bread + nutella spread for a quick breakfast). Half of the time - especially when it's working period - I would skip lunch as well. Dinner is the only reliable meal - because the lovely Dad prepares home-cooked dinner most of the time.


Obviously, I'm not an ideal example of what one would call a good dietary habit. At times, I skip meals more often than I have them. Some people live to eat, while some others eat to live. And, admittedly, I'm more prone to being one of the latter.


Perhaps it's the escape from the hectic work lifestyle, or maybe it's the healthy dietary habits of the Korean culture; but strangely, I devote more attention and care to what I put into the mouth (especially breakfast!) when overseas.


I've always felt the food here is too heavy-laden, especially for breakfast or brunch. Where on earth does one eat Nasi Lemak or Mee Sotong for the first meal of the day? Only here in Singapore, I guess.











In contrast, during the 2 weeks away from work and the home country, a typical daily breakfast would be 2 sunny side-ups (eggs are provided by the hostel for breakfast), some cherry tomatoes, a banana, and a bottle of banana milk. Fruits and milk and eggs. What a healthy breakfast! 

And I thoroughly enjoyed it, in an indescribable way! Making my own breakfast - sprinkling lotsa pepper over the sunny side-ups because I like peppers. Doing up the dishes after that. Mingling and interacting with others in the Common Room, while slowly enjoying each and every morsel of food, without the small pesky voice at the back of the head screaming irritatingly, "Hurry, hurry hurry!! Time's running out! You need to reach the workplace and sing Mari Kita soon! QUICK, QUICK, QUICK~!!!!!", or "Oh my gosh!!! You've only 10 minutes left! The next lesson is going to start soon! Quick, quick! HURRY~!!!!!". It kills the appetite.


The freedom. The independence. I like it. Even though at times I feel homesick because I miss Tofu, family, and the local food.


And whenever the parents nagged to take care of myself and eat properly when overseas, there's this little muse bubbling mischievously inside of me. There's this flirty temptation to really show them how well I'm eating when overseas, as well as how well I CAN take care of myself. But I just have no idea how to put it nicely across. Haha... If I can just say, "Hey, Dad, Mum! Don't worry! I'M EATING HEALTHIER THAN YOU!!! I'm eating healthy and nutritious food almost every morning! DON'T WORRY!!!" But even so, I guess, it won't change a thing. It is in every parents' nature to worry. And we can't blame them for it!






Maybe, years down the road, when I become a parent myself someday, I'll find myself giggling at this post entry!

PARTING

Have not been blogging because I went on an overseas trip for 2 weeks.  The stay was awesome, the food was excellent, the hosts were perfect, and the hostel feels so homely; everyone feels like part of a happy family!


We cooked, we ate, we played Heart Attack and Chinese Chess and Uno, we went to karaoke (Noraebang), we ate adventurous food (sannakji. Simply love it!), and we drank.


This is the first time I drank so much (보통 많이 마시 지마!), and it is also my FIRST time drinking Soju! Back home, I'll usually stop after 2 servings of red wine. 3 servings of red wine, maximum. With Soju though, it's different. Firstly, it's rude to reject an offer in Korean etiquette. And secondly - this I gotta admit - I greatly underestimated the power of Soju. I thought the shot glass is sooo small, and thus can afford to drink more. What a grave mistake!


Anyway, back to the hostel. It is such a pleasant stay! Perhaps, 2 weeks is too long a vacation - so much so that I began to feel like a part of the hostel. As a result, it feels sad to see people - whom I've come to regard as friends - leave one by one when it's time for them to catch their flight home. It feels sad to help bring down their luggage and bid them goodbye.

One day, after biding a group of Taiwanese friends goodbye, NK and I climbed up the stairs back to the hostel. My heart felt slightly empty and heavy. Heavens know when we'll meet those Taiwanese friends again. Maybe never. Just Facebook. 


While climbing up the stairs, I asked NK - one of the hostel owners - whether does he feel sad watching people come and go all the time. He replied, "At first, yes. But now, not really anymore." Strangely, his words touched my heart. Right there and then, after hearing what he said, many things sprang up in my mind - all of which are private and sensitive, so I did not voice them out to him or dared to ask him. Does he feel lonely? Does it hurt? Is it sad to see people leave? Is he enjoying this job? Does he dare to form real friendships with guests when most - if not all - will have to leave someday? What, and who, does he see ME as? This person who is, right now, climbing up the hostel stairs beside him; who does he see me as? A friend? A stranger? A simple guest? Or just someone in passing who will be forgotten eventually? 




I think, the hosts are doing a really wonderful job. In my opinion, it's not really about the costs of accommodation or living environment etc. One of the most important things when it comes to choosing an accommodation is the atmosphere. A lovely place which feels like HOME. Which is why I chose this hostel in the first place. Because I like the warm interactions shown in the photos on the homepage website.


I've never said this to any of them, but I honestly think the owners are doing such a terrific job in running the hostel. As the idiom goes, "Great is one who enjoys his work." When work doesn't feel like a chore. Work should never feel like one. Everyone should enjoy what they're doing, and the owners are doing it WONDERFULLY!

MEETING AND FLYING

Just met up with Fulia for a quick lunch and waited with her for bus 136. Am feeling so envious now; she gets to go home, while I'm still stuck, waiting for a meeting to start at 2pm. Someone, throw me a knife!

Didn't eat because I was not hungry. Just had a can of soya bean drink. *burppp~*

Fulia kept reminding me to buy stuffs for her in Korea. She even said that she's anticipating my return - not because she misses me, but (obviously) because she can't wait to see what would I get for her from Korea. Hummppph~!!!

I retorted and told her that I'll buy those that catch my eyes. After trying them out physically, I'll give her whichever doesn't look good on me. Haha.

Heavens knows how long it'll take. Hope this meeting won't be long!

APPETITE

Appetite's been strange for the past couple of days.

The urge to eat is almost non-existent. I would wake up early in the morning at 7- or 8-ish (holidays! *weee*), brew a cup of coffee, read some papers, go online, play with the dog, and, oh! Lo and behold! It's already 2pm! AND I'VE YET TO EAT!

It is so ridiculous; for the past 2 or 3 days, the food intake averages only about one proper meal per day. And when I do eat, I've to struggle to finish the meal. AND it is mostly always accompanied by an uncomfortable sense of bloated-ness after that. To the point of being nauseating. 

Occasionally, if I'm still up and awake late at night, hunger pangs come visiting. Sadly, it's always not severe enough to send me rummaging through the kitchen. To make it worse, the pangs disappear readily within the blinking of an eye. So I'll just drift off to dreamland. The next day, the whole cycle repeats again.

Arghhh~ 

Hope I'll eat loads in Korea.

BE

'When I was a child, my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk, you'll end up as the pope.'
 

Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.

- Pablo Picasso

TELL ME

Tell me, why am I back in office each and every single bloody day.. And why am I here again sitting in the office, waiting for the clock to strike 8am so that I can give 4 bloody hours of lesson straight to the same bloody class on the same bloody subject, when holiday supposedly started one week ago???

 

And tell me also, why am I bloody reporting back again next week, when holidays are supposedly to have started two bloody weeks ago by then??

TELL ME~~

MOCK JEALOUSY

Biologically, we're constitutionally made up of 50% paternal and 50% maternal. Afterall, we did receive a copy of a DNA strand in each chromosome set from each parent.

I guess, I have a sound idea of where my crappy-ness stems from.

Dad has always been a smoker as far back as I can remember. When I was much younger, it was always one of the painful bones of contention between the two adults. Thus, in recent years, Dad has taken to puffing away in the bathroom; which is - of course - not very, well, smart.

"Dadddddd", I whined out of the earshot of Mum, "The bathroom stinks!!! How can I shower now?"

I sniffed at the air around him and exclaimed jestingly in mock horror. "Oh! 你也很臭 leh..."

Involuntarily letting out a bubble of suppressed giggle, he admonished in a mocking tone; punctured dramatically with an air of heartbreaking grievances, "啊~！ 养女儿真没用。长大后只会说爸爸臭!".

Yesterday afternoon, we were on our way down to the grooming center. I was pretty fretful over Tofu's welfare. I moaned and groaned and rattled on like a broken recorder. Would they be rough on Tofu? Would Tofu enjoy himself over there? Or would he moan and cry at being "abandoned"? Would they feed Tofu water and food? Should I have brought along Tofu's toys so that he can keep himself entertained? Am I going to miss him loads in the hours he's gone? I'm going to be so lovesick!!! And would he miss me too? Would he pin for my return? How would he look like after the grooming session? Will he be very handsome and smart-looking? How clean-looking would he be? He's going to be soooo handsome and dashing and clean and cute, right?

All of a sudden, Dad sighed pitifully.

“你很没有用！

每次一回到家就只会立刻找阿腐。 不见得你回来就找我。

还有啊， 养了你这么大， 都没听过你说我一声 ‘帅’。 现在只会一至说阿腐帅。

养女儿真没用啊！

早知道会这样， 以前你 baby 的时候， might as well 把你丢进垃圾桶啦！”

Dads are evil, I tell you.

ECLECTIC

Time flies so fast! 

In the blinking of an eye, it's already the June holidays! Oh, well, not that it's THAT much of a holiday; considering the number of times I've been back in school since holidays (supposedly) started. Still, it's better than nothing.

Anyway, I'm flying off to Korea in a week's time! It'll be a nice trip, I guess, considering it's still early summer and the weather is still not too hot.

___________________________________________________

Had lunch with Fulia yesterday after meeting ended; and after which, we had a little shopping trip at Bugis Street. Bought 2 tops costing only $25 - which is really a steal; while Fulia spent about twice the amount. And she says she's going to wear one of the tops for the First Aid course this Thursday. Woo-hooo~

While we were having lunch, Fulia mentioned something which really made me ponder. It's private, and so I won't say more; but I guess, there isn't always a real, definite answer to everything in life.

During lunch, Fulia also asked whether am I free on the 24th after our staff meeting; to which I replied in the affirmative. Apparently, she wants me out for dinner with some friends. And she rattled on, announcing gleefully that she's managed to get a treat from one of them; using me as a bait. That sneaky girl! Admittedly, I feel a little bad and apologetic for the person who got fleeced became her victim .

Since Fulia managed to cheat wriggle a treat out of someone using my name, I retorted, "托了我的福，you got yourself a treat. So, in turn, you owe me one!"; to which she replied triumphantly, "Yeah, sure! I'll buy you a meal from the school canteen!"

Geez!!! I seriously think I should consider reviewing the status of this friendship. Soon. 

Haha.

____________________________________________________

So far, I've been refraining from talking / blogging about work-related issues. A conscious effort has also been made to keep my personal life / information private on this blog. Regardless, there's something I would like to get off my chest.

I don't wish to get critical; but I think there's a similarity between students and parents. 

Some kids make good students, you know, those who score As and conduct themselves in an exemplary manner. Some others, though, leave much to be desired.

The same goes for adults as well, I guess. If you get what I mean.

Okay, I sound judgmental here. Shall stop here.

__________________________________________

I think I'm sounding a little incoherent in this post; jumping from this topic, to that topic, and then yet to another topic. But, oh well, the post title did say that it's going to be eclectic afterall, right? =)

GROOMING

Just sent Tofu to his very first grooming session.


It feels a little heart-wrenching; Tofu looking at us with those big, watery eyes as Dad and I were leaving. Those eyes! THOSE EYES!!! Someone should make it a legal crime for a dog to look at people with THOSE EXPRESSIVE EYES!


Home feels a little empty right now, too. It feels strangely lonely; not having Tofu running out to greet me at the door, wagging his bushy tail in sheer delight. Feels like something is just lacking.




Hope he's doing fine now. Surprisingly, the usually-fidgety Tofu was very well-behaved when I handed him over to the groomer. Docile, I would say; and proud of it.

Sometimes, I pity the dog. He has been with us for close to a year, and he has never once been groomed. I have never seen the need for it anyway; because there are no problems with bathing him myself and blowing him dry. Saves money, too! Anyway, this grooming session is pretty budget. I sent him to a neighbourhood pet shop off Changi Road, rather than going to commercial ones in shopping malls.


The main reason behind this sudden grooming decision is, well, because of my soon-to-be absence for two weeks! 


I think there's something about a dog's mentality; how every single member of the family gets viewed as part of a pack, and how each pack member gets subjected to a certain hierarchy system; albeit in the eyes of a canine. As a result, Tofu listens well to me (not always, but more than half of the time) - probably because I'm always the one disciplining and interacting with him most, and thus he has come to view me as the quasi-leader of the pack (that is, when he's not too busy vying for the alpha position). In contrast, he shows noticeably lesser respect, submission, and obedience to Mum and older brother. It sometimes gets frustrating, because, you know, I have to - countless times - step in and handle situations in which Tofu behaves inappropriately towards them both.


Anyway, hope Tofu will come back from the grooming; looking handsome and dashing! In this way, if he misbehaves during the 2 weeks which I'm not around, he would look such a darling that Mum will not be too harsh on him if he misbehaves! Hopefully!