FINALLY! 4 more days to Mad's wedding! Woot!
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Maybe living with 2 male siblings has toughened me up. I tend to speak my mind in a more upfront, open, and "bare-it-all" manner. Whether the causative factor is due to personal attributes, or life circumstances, or growing up around 2 brothers without any sisters; I can't really determine. Whatever the case, it doesn't make much difference. All the better anyway, as I can't really stand wishy-washy people to start with. TR also commented a few nights ago that, in certain ways, I'm unlike the typical mould of female species of homo sapiens. While women just only want to talk, talk, and talk while NOT seeking suggestions/solutions from whoever they're seeking solace in, I'm the complete opposite. For me, the talk is optional; it's the directive suggestions/solutions that I really hanker after.
The rationale, to me, is very simple; really. If all I want is just to talk and vent out some feelings, this can easily be done with anyone. Any Tom, Dick, and Harry. Talking is passive, inconstructive, and non-instructional. It does no work and yield no tangible results. One thing that's for sure, mere talking is not going to make problem(s) go away. Sure, talking never fails to make one feel better; but, ultimately, if the root cause of the problem is not solved, the feelings will keep returning like a vicious cycle. Hence, to me, it's NOT the process of talking I aim for, but more of the results of talking. Yah, don't ask me why women like to talk talk and talk. I don't understand either.
And because I've always been aware that I'm the type who is not comfortable to have to confront or be confronted by, I try to hold it off and avoid it totally if I can. Stomaching and bearing things in, believing that someday - somehow - things would improve. Even if it doesn't, I still keep my mouth shut. It's not easy, but I simply just don't believe in talking or gossiping behind others' back. Gossiping is practically akin to "poisoning the well".
One thing for sure: I would hate it if anyone ever talks behind my back. It speaks of breaching of trust; and trust is one of the basic foundations of all relationships.
Gossiping is the same as "poisoning a well". I don't need anyone to tell me this or that about a particular person based on his/her own views or perspectives. I am able to form my own relatively well unaided, I think. I don't need a tinted glasses; and nether do I need any pre-evaluation briefing or prep talks. Don't tell me how horrible a chocolate cake tastes when I've not even seen it yet.
Little pieces of well-meaning advices would be nice and appreciated, but not when it comes to harmful and inconstructive plain gossiping. There is a whole lot of difference between the two. If anything, I would guard myself more against the one who gossips, rather than the one who is being gossipped at. One thing for sure, no one in their right mind would place their trust on gossipers.
By the same standard, as much as I hate being gossiped at as well as hearing about people being the target of gossips, I try not to do the same to others as well. In the end, I just stomach things in and not share with people uninvolved. One: talking and/or gossiping doesn't solve the problem. Two: I'm betraying someone's trust. Three: I'm casting a bad light on myself by talking behind others' back. Four: Talking behind a person's back only serves to fan and aggravate the anger/unhappiness within. When you rehearse it, you nurse it.
Over time, subconsciously, I developed a modus operandi. As soft skills and conversing in the mildest of manners are things which I still must work very hard on, I simply just tend to choose the shortcut by stomaching things in; while preferring to keep "talking things out" as a last resort - or until I explode prematurely, that is. Even when things eventually still do get down to talking in the end, I always fail somewhat magnificently in the same old weak area. Sad to say, while I try not to partake in or contribute to gossiping, I flop occasionally in terms of tact and assertion.
Sometimes, it's not just what a person says. It's HOW a person says which is the key element.
A person can be right, but if the way it is being put across is wrong, the person is still wrong.
So many times, too, I find that compared to talking about problems with people uninvolved, solving the issue directly with the person(s) involved is a more efficient, professional, and mature solution. Stomaching things in and struggling with not keeping offenses inside grieves the heart and kills my joy. It's crippling.
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I got to know of a couple of things that happened today. A fellow Chemistry coursemate got warded into KK Hospital. To top it off, another one of my fellow Chemistry coursemate unexpectedly (to us, that is) quit the course last Friday. She is not only my Chemistry coursemate, but also one of my team members from Sirius. I'm not affected, but I would be lying if I were to say I feel nothing. There's just this damping feeling. The turnover rate, and workload, in here is pretty high.
__________________________________________________________
Maybe living with 2 male siblings has toughened me up. I tend to speak my mind in a more upfront, open, and "bare-it-all" manner. Whether the causative factor is due to personal attributes, or life circumstances, or growing up around 2 brothers without any sisters; I can't really determine. Whatever the case, it doesn't make much difference. All the better anyway, as I can't really stand wishy-washy people to start with. TR also commented a few nights ago that, in certain ways, I'm unlike the typical mould of female species of homo sapiens. While women just only want to talk, talk, and talk while NOT seeking suggestions/solutions from whoever they're seeking solace in, I'm the complete opposite. For me, the talk is optional; it's the directive suggestions/solutions that I really hanker after.
The rationale, to me, is very simple; really. If all I want is just to talk and vent out some feelings, this can easily be done with anyone. Any Tom, Dick, and Harry. Talking is passive, inconstructive, and non-instructional. It does no work and yield no tangible results. One thing that's for sure, mere talking is not going to make problem(s) go away. Sure, talking never fails to make one feel better; but, ultimately, if the root cause of the problem is not solved, the feelings will keep returning like a vicious cycle. Hence, to me, it's NOT the process of talking I aim for, but more of the results of talking. Yah, don't ask me why women like to talk talk and talk. I don't understand either.
And because I've always been aware that I'm the type who is not comfortable to have to confront or be confronted by, I try to hold it off and avoid it totally if I can. Stomaching and bearing things in, believing that someday - somehow - things would improve. Even if it doesn't, I still keep my mouth shut. It's not easy, but I simply just don't believe in talking or gossiping behind others' back. Gossiping is practically akin to "poisoning the well".
One thing for sure: I would hate it if anyone ever talks behind my back. It speaks of breaching of trust; and trust is one of the basic foundations of all relationships.
Gossiping is the same as "poisoning a well". I don't need anyone to tell me this or that about a particular person based on his/her own views or perspectives. I am able to form my own relatively well unaided, I think. I don't need a tinted glasses; and nether do I need any pre-evaluation briefing or prep talks. Don't tell me how horrible a chocolate cake tastes when I've not even seen it yet.
Little pieces of well-meaning advices would be nice and appreciated, but not when it comes to harmful and inconstructive plain gossiping. There is a whole lot of difference between the two. If anything, I would guard myself more against the one who gossips, rather than the one who is being gossipped at. One thing for sure, no one in their right mind would place their trust on gossipers.
By the same standard, as much as I hate being gossiped at as well as hearing about people being the target of gossips, I try not to do the same to others as well. In the end, I just stomach things in and not share with people uninvolved. One: talking and/or gossiping doesn't solve the problem. Two: I'm betraying someone's trust. Three: I'm casting a bad light on myself by talking behind others' back. Four: Talking behind a person's back only serves to fan and aggravate the anger/unhappiness within. When you rehearse it, you nurse it.
Over time, subconsciously, I developed a modus operandi. As soft skills and conversing in the mildest of manners are things which I still must work very hard on, I simply just tend to choose the shortcut by stomaching things in; while preferring to keep "talking things out" as a last resort - or until I explode prematurely, that is. Even when things eventually still do get down to talking in the end, I always fail somewhat magnificently in the same old weak area. Sad to say, while I try not to partake in or contribute to gossiping, I flop occasionally in terms of tact and assertion.
Sometimes, it's not just what a person says. It's HOW a person says which is the key element.
A person can be right, but if the way it is being put across is wrong, the person is still wrong.
So many times, too, I find that compared to talking about problems with people uninvolved, solving the issue directly with the person(s) involved is a more efficient, professional, and mature solution. Stomaching things in and struggling with not keeping offenses inside grieves the heart and kills my joy. It's crippling.
_____________________________________________________
I got to know of a couple of things that happened today. A fellow Chemistry coursemate got warded into KK Hospital. To top it off, another one of my fellow Chemistry coursemate unexpectedly (to us, that is) quit the course last Friday. She is not only my Chemistry coursemate, but also one of my team members from Sirius. I'm not affected, but I would be lying if I were to say I feel nothing. There's just this damping feeling. The turnover rate, and workload, in here is pretty high.
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