RESPECT
It's a common affair in daily life to make decisions and choices, day in and day out. Some choices may be made out of fear, while others may be of obligations or responsibility or whatnots. But sometimes, decisions can also be made out of respect.
Recently, just a few months back - because we were heading to the same destination - a friend offered to give me a ride on his motorcycle, to which I rejected.
To set the record straight, it's not that I'm chicken; and neither do I equate motorbike riders to rotten men. I'm not proud to admit this, but I've riden pillion rather frequently in the past; which, rather regrettably, eventually ended up in quite an ugly scenario.
I was 17 that year; and was about 5months into a temp job after finishing my 'O's Level. As work ends pretty late on some days, a friend and I would go for supper or a late night movie, after which he would send me home. On his motorbike, of course. Whatever feelings we had were mutual; but we never really got around to being together officially. Although he's a lot more older than I am, we clicked easily. Age's not a problem.
It was on one such night. Work ended late as usual, and we had supper. Reaching home, I was surprised to find Dad still awake. Aren't you sleeping yet? I asked, you've got to work in a few hours time.
He didn't chew on his words, but asked pointedly did someone send me home on a motorcycle; to which I of course tried to worm my way out. Muttered something intelligible. Tried to create jokes. Changed the topic. Shifted his attention. And muttered more intelligible things. But alas! Fathers don't fall for such juvenile things. He demanded an answer to his question; to which, seeing no way out, I admitted reluctantly. Understandably, he was beyond furious. For once, he is the one losing his cool; with Mum standing quietly by the side and occassionally trying to calm him down. I've never really been much of a rebellious kid; but that is my first time having a big row with him. Our biggest conflict ever.
Love makes one blind, indeed.
Angrily, he asked whether am I seeing that guy; to which I replied somewhat uncertainly in the negative. He demanded me to stop seeing him. But we're working colleagues! I voiced out. Then don't ride on his bike! Don't ride pillion! Say NO if he offers to send you home! Dad demanded. It's only a bike, what! Why are you kicking up a fuss? I protested. It's very dangerous to ride pillion, ok?! You young, so you don't know! But many people have died from motorcycle accidents, ok?! Especially pillion riders, ok?! Pillion riders are often more gravely injured, ok?! Dad replied, his face red with anger. But everything is also dangerous, mah. Cross the road, also got chance of being knocked down, what! I countered defiantly. I TELL YOU! IT'S EITHER YOU STOP RIDING PILLION, OR QUIT YOUR JOB! Dad declared angrily. I recall this boiling anger somewhere in between my head and my abdomen; I was so angry that my eyes could combust. I love him to bits and pieces; and this is the first time I'm rebelling him, and being so angry at him. I can't remember what I replied, but I don't think I did, for fear that futher rebuttal on my part would be totally disrepectful and out of line. I crossed my arms, pouted, and turned away from him in quiet defiant; refusing to even look at him. Seeing no replies from me, he added for good measure, "YOU'D BETTER TAKE HEED! IF I CHANCE UPON YOU RIDING ON HIS BIKE AGAIN, I WON'T HESITATE TO GET OFF MY CAR AND BEAT HIM, EVEN IF IT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! DON'T THINK I DON'T DARE TO! I REPEAT AGAIN, I REFUSE TO LET YOU RIDE PILLION! DO YOU HEAR ME?"
"You're so unreasonable." I hissed under my breath quietly but furiously; still stubbornly refusing to give a confirmation that I'll abide by his words. Without waiting for a reply, I scrowled angrily, stomped my feet, and bulldozed out of my room; huffing and puffing. I've never experienced anger of this intensity directed at him before; and just there and then, I thought: given a choice between the bike and him any day, I would choose the former anytime. Ahhh! The blind power of love.
So, when this friend was offering to drive us down to our destination, I found myself rejecting the offer. Even I was surprised. And I realized for the first time, that even till today, the fierce argument 5 years back has a more profound impact than I gave it credit for. Admittedly, I was initally tempted to say yes. After all, adult fare is really exorbitant for a full-time student, you know! "Why not?" He asked, "After all, we're going down to the same place."
"My parents won't like it." This is mainly true. Another small reason was I was not comfortable with the close physical contact; which was, of course, wisely not revealed.
"Aiya. It'll be fine. They won't find out. We won't see them anywhere on the road. It won't be so suay, so coincidental."
"Thanks, but... No thanks. I'll meet you later at the station?"
"So guai? You're scared of them? Or parents' pet?"
I paused, and pondered momentarily. I was confounded. For a moment, I could see the Devil's Advocate stomping its feet haughtily on my shoulder while poking its fiery fork at my face, jesting leeringly: "Ahah! Ahah! Parents' pet pet!".
"No." I replied decisively after a moment's thought. "It's not like this."
I realize, one of the most basic ways of showing respect, is to take someone's feelings into consideration. One of the most exalting ways of showing respect, is to ask for guidance, advices, or opinions, and taking heed of them when given. One of the most ultimate ways of showing respect, is to make a deliberate decision not out of anything, but purely out of respect itself.
It's a common affair in daily life to make decisions and choices, day in and day out. Some choices may be made out of fear, while others may be of obligations or responsibility or whatnots. But sometimes, decisions can also be made out of respect.
Recently, just a few months back - because we were heading to the same destination - a friend offered to give me a ride on his motorcycle, to which I rejected.
To set the record straight, it's not that I'm chicken; and neither do I equate motorbike riders to rotten men. I'm not proud to admit this, but I've riden pillion rather frequently in the past; which, rather regrettably, eventually ended up in quite an ugly scenario.
I was 17 that year; and was about 5months into a temp job after finishing my 'O's Level. As work ends pretty late on some days, a friend and I would go for supper or a late night movie, after which he would send me home. On his motorbike, of course. Whatever feelings we had were mutual; but we never really got around to being together officially. Although he's a lot more older than I am, we clicked easily. Age's not a problem.
It was on one such night. Work ended late as usual, and we had supper. Reaching home, I was surprised to find Dad still awake. Aren't you sleeping yet? I asked, you've got to work in a few hours time.
He didn't chew on his words, but asked pointedly did someone send me home on a motorcycle; to which I of course tried to worm my way out. Muttered something intelligible. Tried to create jokes. Changed the topic. Shifted his attention. And muttered more intelligible things. But alas! Fathers don't fall for such juvenile things. He demanded an answer to his question; to which, seeing no way out, I admitted reluctantly. Understandably, he was beyond furious. For once, he is the one losing his cool; with Mum standing quietly by the side and occassionally trying to calm him down. I've never really been much of a rebellious kid; but that is my first time having a big row with him. Our biggest conflict ever.
Love makes one blind, indeed.
Angrily, he asked whether am I seeing that guy; to which I replied somewhat uncertainly in the negative. He demanded me to stop seeing him. But we're working colleagues! I voiced out. Then don't ride on his bike! Don't ride pillion! Say NO if he offers to send you home! Dad demanded. It's only a bike, what! Why are you kicking up a fuss? I protested. It's very dangerous to ride pillion, ok?! You young, so you don't know! But many people have died from motorcycle accidents, ok?! Especially pillion riders, ok?! Pillion riders are often more gravely injured, ok?! Dad replied, his face red with anger. But everything is also dangerous, mah. Cross the road, also got chance of being knocked down, what! I countered defiantly. I TELL YOU! IT'S EITHER YOU STOP RIDING PILLION, OR QUIT YOUR JOB! Dad declared angrily. I recall this boiling anger somewhere in between my head and my abdomen; I was so angry that my eyes could combust. I love him to bits and pieces; and this is the first time I'm rebelling him, and being so angry at him. I can't remember what I replied, but I don't think I did, for fear that futher rebuttal on my part would be totally disrepectful and out of line. I crossed my arms, pouted, and turned away from him in quiet defiant; refusing to even look at him. Seeing no replies from me, he added for good measure, "YOU'D BETTER TAKE HEED! IF I CHANCE UPON YOU RIDING ON HIS BIKE AGAIN, I WON'T HESITATE TO GET OFF MY CAR AND BEAT HIM, EVEN IF IT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! DON'T THINK I DON'T DARE TO! I REPEAT AGAIN, I REFUSE TO LET YOU RIDE PILLION! DO YOU HEAR ME?"
"You're so unreasonable." I hissed under my breath quietly but furiously; still stubbornly refusing to give a confirmation that I'll abide by his words. Without waiting for a reply, I scrowled angrily, stomped my feet, and bulldozed out of my room; huffing and puffing. I've never experienced anger of this intensity directed at him before; and just there and then, I thought: given a choice between the bike and him any day, I would choose the former anytime. Ahhh! The blind power of love.
So, when this friend was offering to drive us down to our destination, I found myself rejecting the offer. Even I was surprised. And I realized for the first time, that even till today, the fierce argument 5 years back has a more profound impact than I gave it credit for. Admittedly, I was initally tempted to say yes. After all, adult fare is really exorbitant for a full-time student, you know! "Why not?" He asked, "After all, we're going down to the same place."
"My parents won't like it." This is mainly true. Another small reason was I was not comfortable with the close physical contact; which was, of course, wisely not revealed.
"Aiya. It'll be fine. They won't find out. We won't see them anywhere on the road. It won't be so suay, so coincidental."
"Thanks, but... No thanks. I'll meet you later at the station?"
"So guai? You're scared of them? Or parents' pet?"
I paused, and pondered momentarily. I was confounded. For a moment, I could see the Devil's Advocate stomping its feet haughtily on my shoulder while poking its fiery fork at my face, jesting leeringly: "Ahah! Ahah! Parents' pet pet!".
"No." I replied decisively after a moment's thought. "It's not like this."
I realize, one of the most basic ways of showing respect, is to take someone's feelings into consideration. One of the most exalting ways of showing respect, is to ask for guidance, advices, or opinions, and taking heed of them when given. One of the most ultimate ways of showing respect, is to make a deliberate decision not out of anything, but purely out of respect itself.
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