NOT A MOMENT'S HESITATION


Last Thursday night, after ending the usual tuition session, I dropped by the convenience store near my student's place. I have a CA test the next day. Reckoning that burning the midnight oil is something inevitable, I decided to purchase some snacks to keep me through the night.

The range of variety was not really fascinating. I was feeling unjustifiably robbed of choices when, out of the corner of my eyes, I SAW THESE PACKETS OF KOREAN! CRISPY! SEAWEED!!! BISCUIT! SNACK!. I was exhilarated. It's seaweed! It's crispy! AND it's Korean!


The price was really reasonable, too! To make it even more enticing, it was on a 20% discount! Gleefully thanking my lucky star and grabbing a Hot and Spicy flavoured packet, I made a beeline for the queue. The queue was long, and slow. I took a look at the time. I need to study...


Just there and then, out of old habit, I flipped to the back of the snack packet and read its expiry date. Then I checked the nutritional contents. Then I looked for the place of manufacture.

AND I GULPED.


No hesitation was needed. Without a moment's thought, I left the queue, went back to the shelves, and plonked the packet back to its original place.

Sigh!

Call me paranoid if you wish so; I don't really care. I'm the one who's ultimately responsible for my own health. And no! way! am I - while fully aware of the place of manufacture - going to pop into my mouth consumable products which are made in a country which is, very unfortunately, renowned for producing White Rabbit milk sweets tainted with formaldehyde and milk formulated powder containing melamine.

No wonder it was on discount lah! Chey!




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Anyway, on Friday, I nearly fainted in school. What a close shave! It was a dreadful experience.

The last time the headache occurred was last Sunday. While in the middle of the service sermon, the headache started to act up for no reason. I've this thing against Western medication. Deciding firmly that it shall be the last time that I rely on Paracetamol to numb this series of headache, I popped down one of the prescribed pills given by the campus doctor last Thurday. After lunch at the Airport, LT and I took the same bus home together. Maybe it was the drug; I was completely and utterly lethargic. I really tried very hard, but only lasted half an hour before falling asleep and totally conking out on the bus while cruising along TPE. I was a bad and boring company to have that day.

The following week after, the headache sort of mild down. And I thought that it's the end of it all! But on Friday, it came back all of a sudden. In full force, no less! I was on the train to campus, on my way to take the CA test, when my head started throbbing painfully again for the first time that week. No words could aptly describe the excruciating pain. It hurt so terribly; I regretted making that die-die-also-not-going-to-eat-Panadol-again-until-I-recover vow on Sunday, and regretted weaning off the medication so early after only 2 days. Somehow, and I'm not sure how, but I managed to complete the CA test - comprising 11 SUPER-LONG QUESTIONS on ORGANIC CHEMISTRY (SCREAMS!!!), all in the span of a grueling 1 and a half hours.

The paper ended at 4pm. As plans for a movie (Mamma Mia!) with some friends were already pre-arranged a few days ago, I popped by the Science Library with N to photocopy some reference materials in preparation for another test next week. Besides, it's the only chance to do it. Confirm-plus-guarantee-plus-chop I won't be in school during Recess Week.

After having photocopied what was needed, we were about to get out of the Photocopying Room when my brain suddenly threatened to shut down. My limbs started to refuse to corporate. I could hardly stand upright, and had to lean slightly on the photocopier machine for support. I was starting to see bright spots. The feeling was just so horrible. And, just like magic, my nose started leaking all of a sudden. This is all so strange! My nose has been perfectly well all week! Maybe the doctor was right, afterall. Everything is because of the stupid nose.
My body was icy cold, but I was breaking out in sweat. In the air-conditioned library, I broke out in sweat.

Using the photocopier machine as support by propping myself up on it by the elbows, I bent my head over slightly, hoping that this would encourage more blood flow to the brain (I know I know, squatting down would be more effective). In the bent position, the watery mucus was threatening to flow out. I sniffed it in repeated. After a few steps, N noticed that I was not following her. Looking back, she called out, "Eh? Aren't you leaving with me?"

At her voice, I snapped back up and turned to face her. "Yea, I'm coming." I replied. Turning back, I looked at my bag and files, and the thick reference book which was loaned from the RBR desk under my name. I felt a wave of despair; I felt so defeated. Move it, I commanded, move it. My arms felt like heavy lead.

Reluctantly, I picked up my stuffs. For fear of missing my step, I held on to the staircase railing. We got to the ground level where the exit is located. By then, I really want to sit down. Handing the library book to N and asking for her help to return it to the RBR counter, I told her to leave first; and that I would be spending time here in the library as I've arranged to meet some friends later at 7pm.

I easily found an empty study table, and was only too glad to plonk my stuffs onto the table. Crossing my arms and burying my head in them, I prayed silently in tongues and perspired like a giant slug.

Everything was so horrible. I was near tears. The throbbing head hurt terribly, the muscles were pricky and limb, the body refused to corporate, and the brain kept irritatingly threatening to shut down. It cost so much - both physically and mentally - to keep it all together. For a moment, I thought, allowing myself to faint would be a much more easier path to take. Burying my head deeper into the groove of my crossed arms, part of me wanted to cave in and cry. I nearly did. For just a split second, I really did. Just there and then, I wanted so badly for the medication. If only I had not wean them off so prematurely after only 2 days. If only I had taken the medication for a few more days. If only I didn't leave them at home this morning. If only I have them with me now. If only I have the ability to teleport them over from my house to where I am now.

I rested there for about half an hour. Still feeling somewhat feeble and queasy, I wondered what to do next. I thought of the past few days, trying to pinpoint what went wrong. Maybe it's because I only slept a few hours the night before, and had not eaten anything until now; and to add on, I'm still not fully recovered from the recent bout of poor health. Blood glucose, I decided, maybe it's blood glucose.

I contemplated the Science canteen. It's not far from the library. But I was having doubt of being able to reach the canteen in one piece. The last thing I want was to black out completely, and get carted off to the very-nearby NUH by helpful, enthusiastic strangers. It'll be so exagerrated and malu. But still, surely I can't hide out in the library for long; it's not a solution. If it's really indeed blood glucose, then food is the answer. Reaching into my bag and taking out my water bottle, I took a small sip. Chances, I decided. Just take the plunge. No pains, no gains.





Thank goodness, I reached the canteen.

I don't want to have a single headache ever again.
Let this bout be the first; and the last.