PERIODIC TABLE
Some weeks back, I was chatting with a friend when the topic came to kids. She's getting married soon, and naturally, I asked about kids. It turns out that she and her significant other have already decided on the names of their future children.
And this reminds me.
When I'm bored, I think senseless things. There was a period of time when I flirted casually with the idea of naming my children by the month they're born in. August sounds nice for a boy. Jan, and April sound pretty for a girl.
But then again, it would be such a task timing conception. One thing I know for sure, I myselfdie die also WON'T want to be called February, July, September, October, November, or December. Chances are, I'll most probably try all possible ways and means to make my parents feel guilty all their lives for naming me as such.
So, the idea of naming based on month of birth was scrapped. THEN! I thought of a brilliant idea! WHY DON'T I NAME THEM ACCORDING TO THE PERIODIC TABLE!!!
It is just such a brilliant idea! It's easy, convenient, cool and, best of all, educational!
"Group 1 and Group 7 are very reactive; stay away from them!"
"Group 4 is very friendly. They're nice people."
"Fluorine," pointing to son Fluorine, I continue "is very needy, because he is the most electronegative atom."
Pulling son Hydrogen to my side and ruffling his hair affectionately, I say, "Hydrogen gas is very very very explosive. Don't anger him."
"Carbon," Smiling at son Carbon and pulling son Oxygen towards his brother, making them stand side-by-side, I continue, "and Oxygen; together they form Carbon Monoxide (CO). It's a very lethal gas. Therefore, 1 mole of Carbon and 1 mole of Oxygen is a very bad combination."
"Oh! Hydrogen and Chlorine! Together you guys form Hydrochloric Acid (HCl)! It's very acidic, and it's the main acid that breaks down food in our stomach!"
"Sodium and Chlorine!" I beam down proudly on both sons Sodium and Chlorine."The 2 of you are so important in our diet. You both make food tastes great. The two of you together form table salt - Sodium Chloride (NaCl)!"
It'll be so convenient in daily tasks too! Delegating tasks will be such an effortless and simple feat!
"Group 1, sweep the floor! Group 2, clean the windows! Group 3, change the bedlinen!" Group 4, wash the laundry! Group 5, mop the floor! Group 6, fold the laundry! Group 7, clean the bedrooms! Group 8, clean the living room, kitchen, and bathrooms! Lanthanide group, go and give your father a good massage! Actinide group, help me with dinner preparations!"
SEE?! Isn't it wonderful?
It'll be pretty cool, isn't it? Can you imagine being called Cyanide, or Xenon, or Argon, or Krypton, or Iridium, or Polonium (the highly radioactive metalloid which killed the Russian spy, Alexander Litvinenko, not too long ago)? These names, by themselves, already sound so powerful and awe-inspiring! Goodbye to ordinary Tom, Dick, and Harry!
But then again, I pity the girl who'll be called Silicon. She'll totally be the butt of jokes.
__________________________________________________________
Ok, the fact is, there are 103 elements in the Periodic Table. I don't intend to have 103 kids. I'm not a sow. Unless I consecutively give birth to quindecaplets, it'll take ages to complete the Periodic Table. Assuming that I pop one per every year (i.e. one single birth per year), I'll still need to live to the ripe old age of at least 125-year-old, assuming if I were to get married now and give birth by the end of this year (highly unlikely).
But I would want at least 2 kids, most preferable 3; and possibly a 4th if our finances and situation allow it. Oh man, maybe it'll even go up to 5, or 6, or 7! Man, if I am rich enough, I might even adopt an orphan out there!
The Government's got to adore me, I tell you. I'm responding to their call (or at least, I plan to); maybe I might be their poster girl some years down the road.
Please increase the baby bonus and paid maternity leaves when the time comes. AND NO MORE inflation, and fatten my pay cheques, please.
Some weeks back, I was chatting with a friend when the topic came to kids. She's getting married soon, and naturally, I asked about kids. It turns out that she and her significant other have already decided on the names of their future children.
And this reminds me.
When I'm bored, I think senseless things. There was a period of time when I flirted casually with the idea of naming my children by the month they're born in. August sounds nice for a boy. Jan, and April sound pretty for a girl.
But then again, it would be such a task timing conception. One thing I know for sure, I myself
So, the idea of naming based on month of birth was scrapped. THEN! I thought of a brilliant idea! WHY DON'T I NAME THEM ACCORDING TO THE PERIODIC TABLE!!!
It is just such a brilliant idea! It's easy, convenient, cool and, best of all, educational!
"Group 1 and Group 7 are very reactive; stay away from them!"
"Group 4 is very friendly. They're nice people."
"Fluorine," pointing to son Fluorine, I continue "is very needy, because he is the most electronegative atom."
Pulling son Hydrogen to my side and ruffling his hair affectionately, I say, "Hydrogen gas is very very very explosive. Don't anger him."
"Carbon," Smiling at son Carbon and pulling son Oxygen towards his brother, making them stand side-by-side, I continue, "and Oxygen; together they form Carbon Monoxide (CO). It's a very lethal gas. Therefore, 1 mole of Carbon and 1 mole of Oxygen is a very bad combination."
"Oh! Hydrogen and Chlorine! Together you guys form Hydrochloric Acid (HCl)! It's very acidic, and it's the main acid that breaks down food in our stomach!"
"Sodium and Chlorine!" I beam down proudly on both sons Sodium and Chlorine."The 2 of you are so important in our diet. You both make food tastes great. The two of you together form table salt - Sodium Chloride (NaCl)!"
It'll be so convenient in daily tasks too! Delegating tasks will be such an effortless and simple feat!
"Group 1, sweep the floor! Group 2, clean the windows! Group 3, change the bedlinen!" Group 4, wash the laundry! Group 5, mop the floor! Group 6, fold the laundry! Group 7, clean the bedrooms! Group 8, clean the living room, kitchen, and bathrooms! Lanthanide group, go and give your father a good massage! Actinide group, help me with dinner preparations!"
SEE?! Isn't it wonderful?
It'll be pretty cool, isn't it? Can you imagine being called Cyanide, or Xenon, or Argon, or Krypton, or Iridium, or Polonium (the highly radioactive metalloid which killed the Russian spy, Alexander Litvinenko, not too long ago)? These names, by themselves, already sound so powerful and awe-inspiring! Goodbye to ordinary Tom, Dick, and Harry!
But then again, I pity the girl who'll be called Silicon. She'll totally be the butt of jokes.
__________________________________________________________
Ok, the fact is, there are 103 elements in the Periodic Table. I don't intend to have 103 kids. I'm not a sow. Unless I consecutively give birth to quindecaplets, it'll take ages to complete the Periodic Table. Assuming that I pop one per every year (i.e. one single birth per year), I'll still need to live to the ripe old age of at least 125-year-old, assuming if I were to get married now and give birth by the end of this year (highly unlikely).
But I would want at least 2 kids, most preferable 3; and possibly a 4th if our finances and situation allow it. Oh man, maybe it'll even go up to 5, or 6, or 7! Man, if I am rich enough, I might even adopt an orphan out there!
The Government's got to adore me, I tell you. I'm responding to their call (or at least, I plan to); maybe I might be their poster girl some years down the road.
Please increase the baby bonus and paid maternity leaves when the time comes. AND NO MORE inflation, and fatten my pay cheques, please.
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