THOUGHTS

THOUGHTS


This afternoon at 1.30pm, I was in the library when Dad called. He asked what was I doing, and am I waiting for the next class to commence; to which I replied in the affirmative. Next, he asked whether am I aware of what just happened in NTU this morning; to which, this time round, I gave a blur, "Huh?".

He proceeded to give a brief run-through of what he heard in the news: at 10.30am, a final year student stabbed his lecturer before committing suicide himself.

I was struck dumb. Disbelief. I couldn't digest what I was hearing. It sounds so surreal. Something of this shocking nature happening when I am in the campus? And it's just so near in the vicinity?

We put down the phone moments later. I was still disturbed. 10.30am. What was I doing? Oh yeah, I was basking luxuriously under the cool air-conditioning in Biology Education Laboratory of Block 7, waiting for the first lesson of Teaching of Biology II to commence. At the exact same time, somewhere nearby, a professor just got stabbed and a student in his 20s is about to slit his wrist before jumping off a building.

I left the library at 4.15pm, and headed down for the last lecture at 4.30pm. Halfway through the lesson, the lecturer touched on the topic of how life has changed, and how sometimes, students are handling more things in life than what appear on the surface. We're not just educators, but everything rolled in one. You name it, we do it. To illustrate the point, she proceeded to share this story; how a senior of ours took her own life in the last week of practicum. It shook my lecturer so much; because almost every week, this lady would look up my lecturer and chat with her. And she seemed so normal, so much so that my lecturer didn't even suspect anything!

My lecturer then asked whether have we heard of the latest shocking news in NTU yet. Of course, nearly everybody has. News spread like wildfire, after all. She took this as an example too, asking us to imagine what stress or problems he was facing in his life; so much so that he would do something this drastic. The class fell silent, and the atmosphere, sombre. I tried to imagine, but just simply couldn't.

All of a sudden, I was rudely reminded of what J shared on Friday during Zone Meeting - the near death experiences. The engines in my brain kicked off and roared to life; and I found myself wondering: What was it like in his last moments? Did he feel the pull towards the center of the earth too? Did he hear the blood-chilling screams? At this precise moment, is he being tormented? Enduring pains that no one can ever imagine or understand?

I don't know. The last thought chilled me to the bones. There was this sudden fear, this sudden urgency, this sudden sadness and terrible grief. I don't know. The last thought is just so disturbing.