Thursday, 28 June 2007

I IS VERY SELF-ENTERTAINING; THIS I NO CHOICE BUT GOTTA ADMIT.


Apparently, my imagination appears to be a tad too overtly fertile; so much so that at times - okie, most of the time - I have no trouble keeping myself amused. Not a bad thing, you might say. But honestly, it can appear quite bewildering and freakish to people around when I break into a silly grin suddenly or giggle dreamily and uncontrollably to myself out of the blue - while on the MRT or bus or in the pantry.

SEEING SOMEONE WEARING A HORIZONTALLY-STRIPPED BLACK AND YELLOW-ORANGEY SHIRT?
What a mambo-jumbo-hippo-gargantuan-colossal bumblebee. The Hulk version.
And then, my brain cells will automatically launch into highly overdrive mode. And then I'll visualize, clearly, in my mind a magnificent pair of enormous translucent wings poking out of the person's back, a nasty-looking sting at the person's bottom, and a blood-thirsty sucker tip replacing where the person's nose should have been. I'll then picture that person flying and zooming peskily around and around the vicinity at top speed.
All these, completed aptly with the jarring sound of irritating, cacophonous, rapid buzzing of wings at my ears.
And then, I'll snicker and grin to myself.

HEARING ME COUGHING, THE KIND SOUL WHO WAS SEATED BESIDE ME OFFERS ME HIS SMITH MINTS?

I'll think of the Smith mints commercial. The one in which the lead actor pops some mints into his mouth to refresh his breath before making out with his girlfriend, and unfortunately, the girlfriend's dog was so attracted to his mint breath that it ended up force-kissing the unwilling boyfriend?
I'll then amuse myself by imagining that the kind soul is trying to hit on me. And then I'll think to myself, "What a horrible pick-up line. He needs some serious practice."


I've always been pretty much aware that I am pretty much prone to self-entertaining and self-amusing. But this fact has never really sinked in or hit me hard; but has always been more of a subconscious knowledge. It was only after what happened yesterday evening, then did I realize that perhaps, I talk to myself a tad too much for my own good.

Yesterday evening, after knocking off from work at 5.30pm, I took Bus 197 to head down to Clarke Quay for my weekly BS lesson at 6pm. Expectedly, there was the usual peak hour crowd. After standing on the bus for ages, I was only too glad when someone sitting in front of where I was standing vacant her seat. I plonked down happily.

It was then I realized that the old uncle sitting beside me seems a little strange.
1) He's sitting with his legs spread apart. Very.
2) His left hand is resting on the middle of his groin. No, not on the inner thighs. But on the MIDDLE of his groin. On his privates.
3) The entire of his left arm kept twitching every now and then.

I tried to ignore it, but could not resist stealing surreptitious peeks out of the corner of my eyes every minute or so. How could I NOT look??? It's not everyday that we see something like this, do we? And moreover, it helps to be wise and on the alert, doesn't it? What if he attempts to do something improper to a totally oblivious me?
Want to eat my tofu, also cannot so easy, right???

Meanwhile, while being mindful about not letting my guard down, I gave him the luxury of the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he has a medical condition, and this explains the frequent twitching of his left arm? And maybe it just so happens that he has a personal habit of sitting with his legs spread far apart, and it just so happens that his hand is resting on somewhere... Errmmm... Sensitive???

But then, my ever-active brain cells started to go into overdrive again.

OH MY!!! IS HE MASTERB**ING???!!!


I bit my tongue, not knowing whether to snicker, or to frown. To feel irritated, or to be amused. Just then, he crossed his arms over his chest. And instantly, popping up in my mind readily and gleefully like a jack-in-the-box, is a pristine clear image of a lusting hand - with groping fingers - inching its way sneakily towards my side.
Feeling threatened and insecure, I crossed my arms over my chest too.

Of course, I felt a small gush of relief when he alighted the bus. As there were still people standing due to a lack of seats, I shifted in automatically.

AND THEN, a horrible thought jumped into my mind, resounding like a hard slap.









HOW CAN I FORGET TO CHECK?!?!?! ALAMAK!!!
DIE LAH! WAH LAU!!!

GOT SPERMS A NOT???!!!






And I slipped a hand under my lap, deftly sliding my palm across the surface of the seat. And thankfully, felt nothing creamy.



(-_-")
I think I really enjoy talking to, and scaring, myself.

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