Tuesday, 1 May 2007

SICK


Examinations, for me, have officially ended as of yesterday. Had to sit for my last 2 papers on Monday - both of which are my core modules - and if you ask me, being tested on the contents of 2 core modules in a single day sure sucks big time.

While I'm generally blessed with good health and have never been so unlucky as to be sick on the days of examinations, I am not spared from "pre-examinations syndromes" and "post-examinations traumas". They are such a sickeningly familiar phenomenon to me that by now, I have coined my own terms of endearment for them.

On the actual day, before the commencement of any paper, I would feel terribly nauseant, with malevolent butterflies fluttering nervously in my stomach. Sometimes, I have to keep from vomiting by swallowing back the surging slime that's threateningly rising up in the back of my throat. Gross.
These are my pre-examinations syndrome.

And after the examination period is over, I would be almost immediately down with either a flu or cough - normally on next day. These are the post-examinations traumas. Tsk-tsk.

So now, I'm currently nursing a runny nose and the occasional "ahhh-chuuooo". And it ain't any fun.


Sometimes, weird schools of ideas just float randomly into my mind uninvited. Frankly, I'm still so amazed that a local tertiary institute has accepted me. Up till now, I could hardly believe it and part of me honestly suspects that an unwitting administrative error has resulted in my unlikely admission. After all, despite that my overall G.P.A at the end of the 3 years of tertiary education at TP was slightly more than acceptable, I'm still definitely not the creme of the crop, and neither am I anywhere near the top 10%, let alone 5%, of my poly cohort.

Sometimes, I think that this is a mistake. And the seat that I take up in the Lecture Theaters and Tutorial Classes comes with the sacrifice of an otherwise more deserving - and not to mention, more promising and brighter - student.


If you ask me, I believe firmly with all my heart that it's His Blessing and Grace. It's definitely not by my own might or human intellect that brought me through, but by the mighty move of His Hand. And am I humbled? Of course. Who am I, that You care?

I remember being in a service, when the preacher challenged us not to be afraid to ask of Him, and to believe in Him, for the greatest (with the right intention of heart, of course. Not robbing a bank or whatnots), because He never fails to deliver if it's in His Will.

It's just like a light bulb in my mind being switched on. Stirred in the Spirit, I posed the same question to myself, "Has He ever failed or disappointed me?".

I thought hard. I furrowed my eyebrows and cracked my brains. Despite having accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour on Easter Day 3 years ago (not so long, but not so short either), my mind drew a blank. And I realized too, for the past 1000 days, not once has He failed me or broke my heart. Instead, He replaced my sorrows with joy, wiped away my tears with love, picked up the little pieces, and restored the brokenness. He gave me a new mindset that's constantly being molded into perfection (how nice. It's just like having free anti-virus updates), and a new lifestyle with a different perspective that would have been beyond my wildest dream.

And it's not just with academic matters only. There are so many other things as well. Sure, there are times when I've been kept waiting. And of course, there exists things that, up till now, I am mystified by. These are the secret things of God as stated in Deuteronomy 29: 29. And at times when you can't see the Hand of God, you just have to simply trust in His Heart. And yes, I have tasted Him and I have found Him good. Almost too good to be true, in fact.


And above all, He is faithful - at times when I am not. Not once has He ever given up.
He is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore. His Mercy endures forever.


He is patient, He is kind, He is gentle, and most importantly, He is love.

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